


Final Words

by mhbills92



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Blood, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-03-26 14:15:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 40,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3853663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mhbills92/pseuds/mhbills92
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on this prompt: soulmate au where instead of your soulmate’s first words to you written on your skin it’s the last words you ever hear them say so you don’t know who your soulmate is until you lose them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

1856  
  
“Marcilla, dear, stop scratching. It’s not very lady-like,” Maman said, looking over her book at the young girl across the table from her. “If you are having problems you can be excused to go shift.”  
  
“No, I’m fine,” Marcilla replied still digging at her left hip. “It’s not those vermin. I don’t know what it is.”  
  
“Why don’t you finish the chapter you’re on then go shift and roll in the mud pit? The last thing I need is a flea infestation to deal with. Little William can’t handle them.”  
  
“It’s not fleas,” Marcilla said through gritted teeth. She started to lift up her dress before her mother stopped her.  
  
“Go. Now.”  
  
“Fine.” She pulled her arm out of her mother’s hand. “I can’t read like this anyway.” She stood up and walked out the door. Marcilla walked into the forest behind the house. She made her way to the mud pit that was hidden in the forest. She stepped out of her dress and put it over the tree branch next to the pit. She looked at her hip. She could see the long red marks left from where she had been scratching, but under the scratches were swirling light red marks. “No, no. This can’t be happening,” Marcilla exclaimed before she shifted into a black panther with a roar.  
  
Marcilla rolled in the mud, coating her fur until the itch on her hip became a dull sting. She roared again, taking the dress she had discarded into her mouth and running further into the woods. She shifted back and redressed as she approached the edge of the woods that bordered the next town over. She stepped out of the woods and mad her way to the witch she knew there. She waked to the door in the alley and knocked on the door five times.  
  
“Who comes calling at this hour?” the voice on the other side of the door said.  
  
“Perrodon, please open up. It’s important,” Marcilla said in a panic. The door opened and she hurried in.  
  
“Marcilla, what is the matter? Why are you covered in mud?”  
  
“I was itching, so Maman told me to go roll in mud.”  
  
“Honey, if you have fleas you shouldn’t have come here. They’re so hard to—“  
  
“It’s not fleas. When I undressed to shift, there were red marks on my hip. And it wasn’t from my scratching.” She looked at the woman. “Just please look and tell me it’s not what I think it is. Please.” Perrodon nodded. Marcilla lifted her dress, and Perrodon looked underneath the undergarments she was wearing.  
  
“I can’t see anything through the mud. Go get water from the well. I’ll have to wash it off,” she instructed. Marcilla did as she was told and returned to the house with a bucket of water. “What are you afraid it is?”  
  
“You know well what I’m afraid of. I’m immortal. I shouldn’t have one. Why would Fate be so cruel?”  
  
“Fate is not so cruel as to do something that would not work out in the end. You remember that,” the woman replied as she began cleaning the mud off of Marcilla’s hip.  
  
“But why now? I’ve never had words before,” Marcilla said. “Is it supposed to make you want to tear your skin off?”  
  
“I don’t know. I had mine when I was born. And perhaps yours is a new soul or a newly human soul. If you believe in reincarnation,” Perrodon looked at the red marks.  
  
“I don’t know what I believe anymore. Nearly two centuries alive and I’ve seen enough to make me believe that nothing truly exists. I don’t even want to believe this,” she said, gesturing to her hip, “could be true.” Perrodon forced Marcilla’s hand to let go of her dress.  
  
“Unfortunately it appears to be what you feared. It will most likely itch for a few days or so, but I can give you something for that if you’d like.”  
  
“Yes, anything so I won’t have to keep rolling in the mud pit. I hate it,” Marcilla replied. “So what does it mean when the words start appearing?”  
  
“You’ve been around almost two hundred years and you don’t know about the soulmates?”  
  
“Well, as I said I’ve never had words, and I don’t believe in it, so I haven’t paid any attention to it to be honest.”  
  
“You should really pay more attention to your surroundings. Anyway,” Perrodon started. “If you are already alive when your soul’s mate enters a body, then the words will begin appearing on your body. The place is different for everyone. Mine was on my arm. So I assume the words will become visible when your soulmate is born.”  
  
“My soulmate hasn’t even been born yet?”  
  
“Correct.”  
  
“That’s just strange. And what are the words? The first thing they’ll say to me?” Marcilla asked. Perrodon shook her head.  
  
“No, it will be the last words you hear them speak.”

***

“How could you let him go out alone? I told you he was to be kept inside unless someone was with him,” Mother said hushed as they made their way through the streets.  
  
“I didn’t let him go out. You put someone else in charge. He must have flown out his window,” Marcilla replied. “We should really start checking on him more often.”  
  
“I am not accustomed to having a child with wings.” They turned down a small side street.  
  
“You turn into a crow. Why couldn’t you see this happening?”  
  
“It’s never happened before. Let’s just find him before he kills again. People have already started talking.”  
  
_“So you are new in town?” they heard William’s voice._  
  
“This way,” Marcilla said, pointing down the main road.  
  
_“Yes, sir. Just got in on the last coach of the night,” replied a young man’s voice._  
  
“You came all this way by yourself? You can’t be more than seventeen,” William said.  
  
“I’m sixteen. My parents sent me here to work for a family friend. Maybe you can help me find his place?”  
  
“He must be by the station,” Mother said. They slowed to a quick walk as they passed by a few townspeople before picking up speed again once they were out of sight.  
  
_“I would be glad to help you,” William said, his voice sounded like silk. “Where is it that you are going?”_  
  
“Robert Foster. My parents said he would have one of the largest places somewhere just out of town.”  
  
“I know Mr. Foster. I’m surprised he did not send for you,” William said as Marcilla and Maman turned down the small alley by the coach station. “To get to his place you’ll want to take the main road.” He had stepped behind the young man, placing his hands on his shoulders to guide him. “To the north where you’ll,” he cut himself of by sinking his fangs into the man’s neck.  
  
“Ow, what was that?” the man asked, squirming to get away, but William tightened his grip.  
  
“William, don’t,” Marcilla said. They watched as the color quickly drained from the young man that William was now holding to keep him upright. She watched as he lifted his mouth from the neck and let the body feel to the ground.  
  
“William,” Maman said sternly. “What have you done?” William looked at them with red eyes, blood dripping off the side of his mouth and down his chin. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve as he backed away from them.  
  
“Mother, I.. I couldn’t help myself,” he stuttered. “I needed it. No one will miss him for a while at least.”  
  
“Marcilla, take him back. You know what needs to be done,” Maman said, turning from the boy in front of her. “I’ll take care of the body. Hopefully no one will be looking for him tonight.” She lifted the body from the ground before looking back at William. “If you try to run you know I’ll find you,” she said. With that she made her way to the other end of the alley and disappeared into the night.  
  
“You’re an imbecile,” Marcilla said as she took William’s hand. “You’re going to get us discovered.” He was silent. “Do you want that?”  
  
“Maybe. I didn’t want this,” he said, looking at her. “She should have left me to die on that battlefield with the honor I deserved.”  
  
“William, she was only doing what she thought was right. You are—were so young. Much like I was. She thought you would want to live,” she said as they turned down the road that lead to the woods.  
  
“I did want to live, but not like this. This is no life,” he paused and lowered his voice. “And if I have to drain the blood of everyone in this town for someone to finally see what she is then I’m prepared to do that.”  
  
“You know they would stake us too, don’t you?”  
  
“Then I would finally die like I was supposed to do a year ago.”  
  
“Is that what this is about?” Marcilla asked. “The anniversary of your death.” She looked at him. Vampires don’t cry, but she could see something glistening in his eyes. “After the first few years it gets easier. Believe me. The years start to run together and..”  
  
“No. It’s not even that. I’m dead technically. You know as far as my family is concerned, and they don’t even have a body.” She didn’t mention the tear she saw leave his eye. “They’ll think I deserted.”  
  
“It’ll get easier. One day you’ll begin to realize just how irrelevant time truly is.”  
  
“Do you remember your family?” William asked. She let go of his hand.  
  
“Sometimes. The memories have faded. They’ve become blurred over time like something seen underwater,” she replied, looking at the ground. “You forget the little things first. The way they spoke. Their laughs. The way they smiled.” They had stepped into the woods and were walking back to the house. “Then something will come to your mind, and it will seem as clear as if it had happened yesterday.”  
  
“I don’t want to forget.”  
  
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you.” They walked in silence until they came upon the mud pit. “Can I ask you something that may seem odd?”  
  
“Of course. Might as well get to know each other, right?” William replied with a forced chuckle.  
  
“Do you believe in the whole soulmate-words thing that everyone else seems to?” Macrilla asked. William stopped walking.  
  
“I do or did. I had words. They started to fade the day I went off to war. And I knew that I had heard them.”  
  
“I never had words.”  
  
“That’s probably for the best. It’s the worst thing in the world to hear. Knowing this was the person you should have spent the rest of your life with, but that you will never see them again,” William said. “I knew as soon as he said ‘I’ll see you when we get home’ that it was the last time I’d ever see him.”  
  
“What were his words?” Marcilla questioned.  
  
“I don’t know. He never told me. He didn’t believe in them, but I don’t think I will ever forget what I said to him,” he paused. “But I think I’ll keep that to myself.” He started walking again. She followed. “Why do you ask?”  
  
“I was just curious. Trying to get to know you a little better.”  
  
“Can I ask what will happen to me? What she’ll do to me?” William asked. “I mean I really could not help it. She hasn’t taken me out in days. I was so hungry.”  
  
“You’ll be locked in the cellar for a week or so. Then she’ll take you out several towns away from here and again teach you how to feed without killing,” Marcilla replied. “Please try to behave now. It gets better. Just give it time.”  
  
“I still don’t want to be like this. I’d rather be staked.”  
  
“Don’t say that,” Marcilla said as they stepped into the yard behind the house. “I hate doing this, but the cellar is over there.” She pointed to the side of the house. “I personally don’t think starving out the bloodlust works like Mother wants it to.” She opened the cellar door. William began to walk down the steps. “She has a meeting in a few days. I’ll take you out then and teach you.” He nodded in response before she closed the door and locked the chain across it. She walked into the house.  
  
*** Marcilla waited until Mother was gone before she started outside. “What do you think you’re doing?” Lawson asked, poking his head out of the door.  
  
“I’m taking him out for a hunt. Someone has to teach him, and we both know Mother will wait too long then he’ll just kill again,” she replied as she went around the house.  
  
“Are you insane? What if she comes back?” Lawson said, following her to the cellar door.  
  
“I did the same for you, remember?” She unlocked the chain, letting it fall to the ground. “I’ll lock this back so she won’t know. Just don’t let her try to open it.” She opened the door. William looked at them with red eyes. “And if she asks for me then I went on a hunt to the south of here.”  
  
“And if he kills again?”  
  
“Did you kill when I took you out?” she asked as she took William’s hand. Lawson raised an eyebrow looking at their hands. “Stop. I can’t just let him run free, can I?”  
  
“No, but I wish that you would reconsider this,” Lawson said. “Mother will be very upset if his punishment has ended without her say, and you know that.”  
  
“Would you like to try and stop me?” Marcilla asked. “Look at his eyes and tell me to let go of his hand just to fight you over something that you know needs to be done. Mother never takes care of those she turns.” Lawson stepped aside and chained the door back.  
  
“Do what you need to do, but be quick about it,” Lawson said as he hurried back into the house.  
  
“Come. We have a little bit of a walk ahead of us,” she said, tugging at William’s hand. “He’s right. We’ll have to be quick. Mother can’t know I did this.”  
  
“Why not? It’s not like she has been any help,” William said.  
  
“Because Mother thinks she is wise when it comes to the newly turned, even though she has turned very few of us,” she replied as they began walking in the opposite direction from town.  
  
“Why let her think she’s so wise when she’s not? She’s let me suffer like this for a year.”  
  
“Mine was much worse. It took me several years to get myself under control.” Marcilla looked up the road. “She would just say ‘you’ll have to learn to control yourself, Mircalla’ or ‘my darling, you will never be able to live this way unless you learn to not kill.’ Always something along that line. Never anything very helpful.”  
  
“Mircalla?” William questioned.  
  
“My birth name,” she replied.  
  
“Then why do we call you Marcilla? Will I have to change my name too?”  
  
“You can. Mother won’t make you. I just prefer it, almost like I die after what should have been a lifetime.”  
  
“How many names have you had?”  
  
“Several,” Marcilla said.  
  
“Is it always just an anagram of your birth name?” William asked.  
  
“I try to keep it that way. Occasionally I have had to use something different.” She looked around. “I think it’s safe to run now. We’re going north, but you mustn’t let go of my hand.”  
  
“But you told Lawson—”  
  
“I know what I told Lawson. He’s smart, but he’ll believe anything I tell him. Let’s go,” she said, tightening the grip she had on his hand. They ran through several towns until Marcilla stopped, jerking William to the ground.  
  
“You could have just said stop,” William said as she pulled him up.  
  
“I know, but that was more fun.” She smirked. William jerked his hand, trying to pull away. “What are you doing?”  
  
“I just need to dust myself off,” he answered, pointing to his dust-covered pants. “Just let me have my hand for a second.” He tried to pull away again, but Marcilla held him tightly.  
  
“I won’t let you go that easily. I know you can smell the blood.”  
  
“I promise I won’t go anywhere. I just want to get the dirt off of my pants. Mother wouldn’t be too pleased if my clothes were to be dirty.”  
  
“Ok, but if you try to run I will throw you to the ground again and make you wait for Mother to take you out,” she said as she let go of his hand. He dusted his pants off but stopped. He turned around, and Marcilla could see his tongue swipe over his teeth even with his mouth closed. “This is important.” She grabbed his hand again. “They will extend at different times. Mostly from hunger, but sometimes it will be out of anger. And you have to learn to control it.”  
  
“But how?”  
  
“That is something you have to discover for yourself. Lawson thinks happy thoughts. What happy thoughts I don’t know, but it works for him. Mother is obviously so controlling that she never had a problem with her fangs or hunger,” she paused. “Or so she says anyway.”  
  
“And you? How do you control it?” William asked.  
  
“Mostly fear. That’s how I learned from Mother. The fear of Mother is a great motivator.”  
  
“So, how do I know what will work for me?”  
  
“The only answer I can give you is that you’ll have to try different things,” Marcilla replied. “But for now let’s focus on feeding _without_ killing.”  
  
“And how do I do that?”  
  
“For starters you need to slow down when you drink. I saw you the other night, if you continue to drink that fast you will never know when to stop.” She looked around before grabbing his hand again.  
  
“I already promised—” he began to protest.  
  
“Will you be quiet? Just follow me,” Marcilla said as she led him through the town. “We’re going to wait outside the tavern. It’s almost the time of night when we will be able to find someone who won’t even feel your fangs go in their neck.”  
  
“But wouldn’t I get drunk?”  
  
“You won’t because the trick is stopping long before you get tipsy.”  
  
“Stop before I get tipsy,” William repeated. “Does that work?”  
  
“Oh, will you stop asking so many questions?” Marcilla said as she pulled him to the small alley beside the tavern. “They usually walk this way after they get thrown out.”  
  
“Marcilla, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.”  
  
“I won’t let you kill again, but you’re going to have to learn to trust your own instincts. I can’t go on every hunt with you.” They heard the door to the tavern open.  
  
“Get out, and don’t come back until you can pay your tab,” a gruff voice said.  
  
“Here’s your chance,” Marcilla said. A man stumbled around the corner and slowly walked toward them.  
  
“What are you two doing down here?” the man slurred. William looked at Marcilla who nodded. He ran and positioned himself behind the man, grabbing under his arms to hold him up. “Thank you, son,” the man said. William lowered his mouth to the man’s neck and bit down. “That kind of tickles.”  
  
“Remember not too quickly,” she said, watching William take slow, deliberate gulps. “That’s probably,” was all she managed to say before William dropped the man and ran back to her side.  
  
“I felt his pulse slow a little,” he said in a panic. “I don’t feel tipsy. Did I kill him?”  
  
“No,” Marcilla said with a smile. “But you’ve now learned a little about control. Next time you’ll stop before you feel the pulse slow down. Now, let’s get him propped up on the side of the building and head home.”  
  
“But I’m still hungry,” William said as they propped the man up against the tavern wall.  
  
“You’ll have to learn to live with a little bit of hunger. Especially until Mother decides your punishment is over. She can’t know that you’ve been out.”  
  
“I know, but there’s got to be others that will come along. Just one more.”  
  
“No, William. We have to get back before Mother gets back.” She took his hand again. “I promise this time I’ll say stop.” They ran. “Stop,” she said as they arrived in the woods at the edge of the house. Lawson was standing by the door. “I’m back from my hunt,” she said loudly.  
  
“And Mother is still gone,” Lawson said as he walked toward them. “How’d he do?”  
  
“He did well. Mother will think her punishment has done wonders,” Marcilla answered. She looked at William.  
  
“I know. Back in the cellar I go.” They walked over and Marcilla removed the chains from the door again.  
  
“I will take you back out in a few days. We’ll hunt for animals. In the meantime, learn more about yourself and your fangs.” He nodded as the door closed.

***

“Animal blood is disgusting,” William said still wiping his tongue on his sleeve as they walked back toward the house.  
  
“I know,” Marcilla said.  
  
“Then why would you make me do that?”  
  
“Because part of our instinct is to hunt. And you needed away to do that.” She froze at the edge of the woods and put up her hand to stop William. The cellar door was open.  
  
“Where did they go?” the heard Mother’s voice echo from inside the house. “Lawson, you know I will not stand being lied to.”  
  
“Come on,” Marcilla said. She hurried toward the house and hoped that William was behind her.  
  
“I told you I don’t know where they went,” Lawson said. When they entered the house they saw that Mother had him backed against the wall of the kitchen.  
  
“Nice of you two to join us,” Mother said, turning toward them. “I thought I made myself clear that he was not to be let out until I said so?”  
  
“Starving him wasn’t helping. He needed to learn how to control himself and his hunger. Locking him in the cellar wasn’t doing him any good,” Marcilla replied. She saw Maman’s hands fidget with something. Her eyes widened at the realization that she was holding a stake.  
  
“Marcilla, dear, why would you disobey me?” She said as she walked toward her. Marcilla looked to the ground. Mother lifted her head. “You know what happens to my disobedient children.”  
  
“Then get it over with,” Marcilla said, closing her eyes. She opened them to see Mother pin Lawson to the floor. “Mother, I’m the one who disobeyed you.” Mother looked at her. “He tried to stop us, but a threatened him. He really didn’t know anything.”  
  
“Ah, but he did lie to me,” Mother said, looking back down at Lawson.  
  
“Please, don’t. I’ll never lie to you again,” Lawson said with a trembling voice. “I promise.” Marcilla ran over to them.  
  
“Promises mean nothing to me.” She raised the stake above her head.  
  
“I told him to lie. I took William out. This isn’t his fault,” Marcilla said as she grabbed onto the stake.  
  
“But you are my glittering girl,” Mother said as she pulled the stake free and drove it into Lawson’s heart.

***

Marcilla rubbed the ointment onto the red bumps that had started forming on her hip. She sighed with relief as the cool ointment touched her burning skin. She hid the vial of ointment back in the hole in the tree nearest to the mud pit before she headed back to the house. It had been three months of this itching and burning had started, and it only seemed to be getting worse.  
  
“Marcilla,” she heard her mother call from the backyard as she reached the edge of the woods. “Have you still not gotten rid of that problem yet?” her mother asked when she saw her coming out of the woods.  
  
“It’s a rash. Perrodon gave me something for it. She said it would take time to work, especially since we don’t know what caused it,” Marcilla replied as she walked past her mother and into the house.  
  
“Perrodon doesn’t know what she’s doing half the time. Her treatments don’t always work,” Maman said, following Marcilla inside. “Are you well enough to help William on his hunt tonight? He’s still so unruly, and I can see the hunger on his face.”  
  
“And you’re afraid that he still isn’t able to control himself.”  
  
“He’s still so young. You know I would go with him, but I have an important meeting tonight.”  
  
“I’m well enough to help him. Perrodon’s ointment takes the itch away for the most part,” Marcilla said. “We should leave now then.”  
  
“William,” Maman hollered through the house. There was no response. “William, Marcilla is going to take you hunting.”  
  
“Are you sure he’s here?”  
  
“Of course he’s here. I ordered him to his room until we could go on a hunt,” her mother said. “William!”  
  
“You don’t think he would have went out on his own, do you?”  
  
“I would have heard him leave. We all have super hearing, remember?”  
  
“But you forget that William turns into a bat,” Marcilla groaned. The two quickly made their way to the small front bedroom. In the middle of the room was a pile of William’s clothes. “How long has he been gone?”  
  
“I’m not sure. It was a little after you left. So maybe thirty minutes or so,” her mother said, her eyes narrowed. “He will have to be punished.” Marcilla felt the terror flow through her veins.  
  
“Mother, he’s still young. I’ll go find him,” Marcilla said.  
  
“He will be your problem then. If he’s killed another townsperson you’ll both be in the ground.” The woman turned and walked away. “And that’s a promise.”  
  
“Of course, Mother,” Marcilla said with a bow of her head.  
  
“Go find him.”  
  
Marcilla left the house and ran back into the woods. She shifted mid-run, her clothes ripping and falling from her body. She roared—a way of telling her mother that she was in her shifted form. Her mother would only be slightly disappointed over the ripped dress if she could find William in time. She smelled the air, trying to find the familiar scent. She picked up the scent—he smelled of gunpowder, death, and lavender.  
  
The black panther ran through the woods following the scent until she saw the single bat hovering at the edge of the woods that lined the town. She slowed down, prowling over to him. She picked up her front paw and swatted the bat from the air. The bat hit the ground, but quickly flew back up in the air. He screeched before swooping down at Marcilla’s face. She swatted again. He hit the ground, and she pounced, trapping him under her front paw. The bat continued screeching as she gently took the bat into her mouth. With that she made her way back through the woods toward the house.  
  
She walked into the backyard before she put the bat on the ground and held him in place with her paw. She roared again, and her mother came out of the house. Her mother walked over to the pair of animals and grabbed the bat. Marcilla lifted her paw.  
  
“William, you know better than to run off like that,” Maman said to the bat as she carried him toward the house. “I’ll deal with you in a minute.” She threw the bat into a cage by the door before turning around. “Marcilla, darling, go shift back.” Marcilla stood and paced. “Did you shift with your clothes on again?” The panther stopped and hang its head. Maman looked around. “Well, hurry in. I’ll overlook it this time if he didn’t drain some poor boy again. Get dressed and meet me in the kitchen.” Marcilla hurried into the house and padded to the room that was just off the kitchen. She shifted back into her human form and got dressed before joining her mother in the kitchen.  
  
“Yes, Mother?” Marcilla questioned.  
  
“Did he..”  
  
“No. He was lingering at the edge of town. I think he forgot that you moved his clothes that used to be there. So he couldn’t shift back,” Marcilla replied.  
  
“Good, good. Any more drained bodies and there will be a hunt on. And we can’t flee another town,” Maman said. “He will still need to be punished.”  
  
“I know, but go easy on him. He didn’t add to the body count.”  
  
“Which will help him for now he’ll just live in the cage until I decide that he has been punished enough.” She looked at the bat that fluttered in the cage. “He is not to be fed or leave the cage. I don’t want him shifting back,” she said. “Not until he has overcome his bloodlust and has become too weak to hunt.” The bat screeched and she got up. “I must get to that meeting. I trust you can follow my instructions.”  
  
“Yes, Mother,” Marcilla answered. Maman left the house and headed into the woods. She looked at the bat that was still screeching. “You can stop that. You knew you’d get in trouble, and I won’t defy Mother.” The bat stopped screeching, but flapped in the cage. “Not for you, not for anyone. Not again anyway. I tried to teach you.”  
  
Marcilla went to leave the room. The bat flung itself into the side of the cage. “Oh, right,” she said, looking around. “Where did Mother leave the blanket to put over you?” She looked around the small room by the back door. “Ah, there it is,” she said when she saw it slung over the chair by the fireplace. The bat screeched in protest as she draped the blanket over the cage, “Good night, Willie-boy.” She walked into her room and dressed for bed, even though she had only been up for a few hours. She lit the candles that were on her nightstand, picked up the tattered book from her pillow, and began reading.  
  
She rolled to her side trying to get comfortable, her eyes never leaving the page. She stayed that way, absorbing every word on the page. Mother bought her new books all the time, which she eventually read, but none of them compared to Shakespeare’s sonnets. “Ow,” Marcilla screamed in pain as the book fell to the bed and her hands touched her hip. The burning pain increased as she pulled up her nightshirt to see the red bumps turning brighter and becoming clearer. The words appeared and tears rolled down her cheeks as she read them.  
  
“No. No. This can’t be right,” Marcilla sobbed, looking at the burning red letters on her skin.  
  
_You are a monster._


	2. Chapter 2

1872

“Yes, Mother. I remember the plan,” she said, looking out the carriage window at the night sky. “William scares the horses. The carriage wrecks. You leave me with the man and his ward. Just like all the other times.”  
  
“And your name is?” her mother asked.  
  
“Millacra.”  
  
“Good.” Maman smiled. “The estate you will be staying at is coming up.” She knocked on the wood behind her head. There was a loud and deep hissing noise before the horses started to snort and whiney. Millacra could feel the horses trying to retreat but knew that William was pushing them on. The women in the carriage held on as they took a sharp turn and the front wheel caught on something before the carriage tipped over. “Must you always hit something,” Maman said as she stood up and dusted herself off. William opened the carriage door and helped Maman out.  
  
“The man and a maid are coming this way,” he said before turning back to Millacra. “Try to look a little almost dead before George and I pull you from the wreck this time.” Millacra stuck out her tongue before laying herself down on what was now the bottom of the carriage.  
  
“William, George. Millacra needs help. She... she must have hit her head when the carriage turned over,” Mother said. Millacra assumed that the people were now by the carriage.  
  
“Madame, are you hurt? That was the worst wreck I’ve seen in a while,” the gentleman said. “You need to learn to better control those horses.” William and George appeared above her, and George jumped in beside her.  
  
“They were spooked by something.” She heard people climbing on the carriage. “Oh, Millacra, what have I done?” William said sounding distraught as George handed her up to him. Her body was limp. Her breath shallow. Her eyes closed. “Can you please come help me get her down?” She felt the man take her from William’s arms. She felt herself being placed gently on the ground. She heard William help George back out of the carriage. Like always.  
  
“Is she still alive?” Mother asked. Millacra felt his warm fingers press into her wrist. “My dear Millacra.”  
  
“Her pulse is faint and quite irregular, but it is there,” the gentleman said as he shifted Millacra in his arms. She heard William and George start to set the wagon upright.  
  
“This is terrible timing. I am on a journey of life or death. I cannot delay. Pray, how far on, sir, until the next town? I must leave her there, and I will not know of my darling until my return three months hence.” She felt her mother’s cool hand on her arm.  
  
“The nearest town on your route, I fear, is not so near and offers no inn at which to leave your daughter,” the man said. “And I fear a long for her safety on a long journey in her condition.” She felt her mother brush the hair off of her face. “Madame, if you would entrust your daughter into our care my daughter and her governess and allow her to remain as our guest until your return, then we shall give her all the care she requires.” The man offers her a place to stay. Like always.  
  
“No, we could not impose on your kindness,” her mother replied.  
  
“It would be no imposition. In fact it would help to get our minds off of a cruel misfortune that we have just learned of,” the man said. “If you cannot suspend your journey any longer then you must part with her tonight. You have my honest assurance that she will be taken care of here.”  
  
Millacra knew that her mother was looking at her with a pained look on her face. She had watched her practice it. She felt her mother pull the man aside as they were replaced by what she could only assume was the governess, who placed her head on her lap. She felt Maman kneel beside her.  
  
“Behave and remember the plan,” she said in a hushed whisper. She felt her mother smooth out her hair once more before standing up and returning to the carriage. She heard her suitcase hit the ground. Then she heard the horses and the carriage drive away and waited for the sounds to die down before slowly opening her eyes.  
  
“Where is Mother?” she asked weakly. “Where am I?” And she wept when she learned that her mother had left her there for three months like she always did.  
  
***

There was a gentle knock at her door before she heard it slowly open. “Millacra,” Ell’s soft voice said. Millacra became aware of the light coming into the room from the window. “Millacra, you lazy thing. Are you still asleep? It’s nearly afternoon.” She felt Ell sit on the foot of the bed. Millacra sat up and stretched. She smiled at Ell.  
  
“You will never let me sleep the day away, will you?” Millacra said playfully.  
  
“Ell,” her father, Dr. Hesselius, said as he appeared at the door. “I’ve told you to let our guest get her rest.”  
  
“But, Papa, she also needs to eat, or she will waste away to nothing in this room.”  
  
“She is right. I really should eat,” Millacra replied.  
  
“You could have already ate twice by now if you would learn to get up earlier.”  
  
“Ell,” Dr. Hesselius said. “Behave yourself. Millacra, would you like me to ask that something be prepared for you?”  
  
“Yes, please, Dr. Hesselius. If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, that is,” Millacra answered. She turned to Ell. “Would you go on a walk with me? I would love for you to show me the grounds.” Ell turned to her father.  
  
“Please, Papa.”  
  
“She really needs her rest,” he hesitated. “I do not think she is well enough to go out yet, and her mother trusted her to my care.”  
  
“I am feeling quite better, sir. I would not ask to go out if I did not feel well. Please, I’ve been in this room for a week and have wanted nothing more than to be well enough for my new friend to show me around her wonderful grounds,” Millacra said with a smile.  
  
“Papa,” Ell said.  
  
“You mustn’t wonder off very far nor be very long. I still don’t like the idea of her being outdoors very well,” Dr. Hesselius offered. “Now, come, Ell. We will leave our guest to dress. She shall meet you out front.” Ell jumped up and ran out the door. Dr. Hesselius shut the door behind him.  
  
Millacra stood and found her suitcase which Dr. Hesselius had placed in her room the night she arrived. She pulled out her favorite blue dress and changed from her night clothes, avoiding her eyes landing on the words that were still on her hip. She hurried to the front where Ell was standing. Ell held out her arm, and Millacra took it. “You are such a gentleman,” she said, smirking.  
  
“Very funny. I do not want you to faint and not be able to catch you,” she replied. “Now, what do you want to see first?” They began to walk down the pathway that lead to the road.  
  
“Can we go to the flower garden first? I have seen it so often out my window,” Millacra said as she pulled Ell’s arm and headed away from the road.  
  
“Of course. You are the guest.”  
  
“I love the language of flowers.”  
  
“Flowers do not speak,” Ell said with a small laugh.  
  
“Of course they do. You just have to learn what they’re saying,” Millacra said as they turned the corner and came to the path that lead to the garden.  
  
“How?”  
  
“Well, I’m sure you know that a rose is a symbol of ‘love,’ right?”  
  
“Everyone knows that,” Ell replied.  
  
“That is the language of flowers. Every flower is thought to be the symbol for something.” She stopped, pulled her arm from Ell’s grasp, and picked a bunch of small white flower from the edge of the path. “Do you know what this is?”  
  
“Queen Anne’s Lace?” Ell questioned. Millacra stuck a piece behind Ell’s ear. Ell turned her head, but Millacra could tell she was blushing.  
  
“But do you know what it means?” Ell shook her head. “It symbolizes a haven, but can also signify complexity and delicateness.” They began walking again as she placed a piece behind her own ear.  
  
“Tell me what they are all saying,” Ell said, gesturing to the garden.  
  
“Which one would you like to hear first?”  
  
“The daisy,” Ell replied as she pointed to the bunch of orange and white flowers. “They have always been my favorite.”  
  
“May I?” Millacra asked. Her hand on the stem of the flower. Ell nodded. “The daisy,” she began, picking one of the orange flowers. “Can symbolize purity or innocence.” She handed the flower to Ell. “It’s no wonder that it’s your favorite.”  
  
“And what about the Chrysanthemums? I have always liked them too.”  
  
“Ah, well, they say different things in different places. I think here that they say joy and long life,” Millacra answered.  
  
“What do they say in other places?” Ell asked as she picked one of the flowers and handed it to her.  
  
“Anything really. Love. Truth. Fidelity. Death,”Millacra said, taking the flower.  
  
“Death?”  
  
“Yes, but here they mean joy and long life.”  
  
“Tell me one that’s happier,” Ell said.  
  
“A long life is happy, but if you wish for another. The Snapdragon symbolizes graciousness and strength. You and your father have been so gracious to me,” Millacra said. “Can I pick one for your father?”  
  
“I'm sure he would love it,” Ell replied. Millacra picked one of the flowers.  
  
“We won't get in any trouble for picking all these, will we? That Mademoiselle LaFontaine seems like a fiery spirit. I don't want to cause her to be angry with me.”  
  
“Don't worry about LaFontaine. She loves having someone new in the house.”  
  
“I still fear her.”  
  
“Then take her a flower too,” Ell suggested.  
  
“But doesn't that defeat the purpose of me being sorry for picking her flowers?”  
  
“You can share the language with her. She would adore it.”  
  
“If you say so.” Millacra looked around the garden a bit before picking a lily-of-the-valley. “Humility,” she said to Ell before she took her hand again and began to walk back to the house. “I think that’s enough of an adventure for one day.”  
  
***

“Where have you been?” Ell’s voice sounded from the end of the hall as Millacra quietly open her door. “It’s late. What if Father had tried to check on you? I mean I know it’s been nearly a month and a half since your wreck, but he worries. You should be in bed.”  
  
“As should you. What are you doing up?” Millacra asked, walking toward her.  
  
“It’s those dreams I’ve been having. I can’t get much sleep.” Ell looked at her. “But you still didn’t answer my question. Where have you been? It’s the dead of night.”  
  
“I sometimes have trouble sleeping at night. That might be why I sleep so late.”  
  
“Oh, well, why didn’t you just tell us? Father could probably help you,” Ell said.  
  
“He couldn’t help. I just find it relaxing to go look at the stars some nights. It makes me feel better than tossing and turning all night,” Millacra replied. “They’re relaxing in a way.”  
  
“How so?” Ell asked with a yawn.  
  
“I’ll tell you if you agree to go to bed.”  
  
“Come with me. I can never get back to sleep after I have one of those night terrors.”  
  
“Ok, but I can’t promise I’ll stay the rest of the night. You get up far too early for my liking,” Millacra said. She chuckled as Ell led her into the room they had been standing outside of. “Now go to bed.”  
  
“And you’ll tell me about the stars and how they relax you.” Millacra nodded. Ell climbed into bed and patted the spot beside her. “Please.”  
  
“I will sit, but nothing more,” she replied as she made her way to the bed and sat. “Have you ever looked at the night sky?”  
  
“Of course I have. Who hasn’t?” Ell said with a laugh.  
  
“Shh. You’ll wake your father. I meant have you ever laid out in the grass on a clear night and looked at the stars overhead?”  
  
“No. Father doesn’t want me out after dark,” Ell said, taking Millacra by the hand. “He’s afraid of bears.”  
  
“There aren’t any bears around here,” Millacra said.  
  
“Yes there are. Father saw one before.”  
  
“And how long ago was that?” Millacra asked, her eyebrow raised.  
  
“I don’t know, but if he says he saw one then I believe him,” Ell said defensively.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Millacra offered, squeezing her hand. “I didn’t mean to upset you, Ell. I was just saying that if it has been awhile since he saw it then it is possible that there aren’t any bears around here anymore. That’s all.”  
  
“Get back to talking about the stars, please.” Ell’s head fell back on her pillow. “Maybe I can go to sleep that way. Listening to your voice.”  
  
“Or I could bore you to sleep with facts that you don’t care about.”  
  
“You, Millacra, could never bore me.” She tugged at their joined hands. “Please lay down with me.” Millacra sighed as she crawled up into the bed and lay on her back beside her.  
  
“But I am returning to my room once I am sure you are asleep.” Ell turned over and draped her arm across Millacra’s stomach.  
  
“Please tell me about the stars.”  
  
“Patience, Ell. Are you comfortable?”  
  
“With you? Always,” she answered. Millacra smiled and rested a hand on the arm that lay across her.  
  
“Have you ever looked up at a cloud and thought it looked like something?”  
  
“I saw one the other day that looked like a rabbit. Is that what you mean?” Ell asked.  
  
“That’s exactly what I mean. Well, for centuries there have been people who look up at the stars in the sky and have seen the same thing in the stars.”  
  
“Oh, I learned about those before. The constellations.”  
  
“Right. I should have started with that. So, on the nights that I can’t sleep and it’s clear enough to see, I like to try and find as many as I can,” Millacra said. “I know it probably seems silly, but to know that those stars have been there for so long, it makes me feel small. And somehow I find that relaxing.”  
  
“How is that relaxing?” Ell asked.  
  
“Everything I’ve done or will do is nothing compared to that little. My lifetime is not even a recognizable fraction to the lifetime of those stars. I don’t know why, but I find it comforting.”  
  
“It does sound strange, but if it helps you,” Ell said. Millacra felt her shrug. “Will you stay?”  
  
“Of course,” she brought the hand on that had been resting on her stomach to her lips. “Good night, Ell. Sweet dreams.” She felt the girl beside her snuggle into her side. Millacra drifted off to sleep with Ell’s warm, steady breath on her neck.  
  
***

“You know you sound like a herd of elephants,” Millacra said without turning around.  
  
“Mother sent me,” William said.  
  
“Well, she could send you a little more quietly next time. I mean quiet is the reason I’m standing out in the middle of the woods in the dead of night.”  
  
“She wanted me to remind you that it’s almost time for you to bring your little pet to meet her,” William said as he entered the small clearing. Millacra turned to face him.  
  
“Ell,” she replied, walking toward him.  
  
“What?”  
  
“Her name is Ell. She’s not a pet. She’s a person.” She watched as he sat down at the edge of the clearing.  
  
“I’ll never know why you insist on using their names when you just have to bring them to Mother when she tells you,” William said. He drew his knees to his chest. “You should just use nicknames.”  
  
“And that is why Mother hasn’t used you as a lure yet. You have to make fast friends, using nicknames doesn’t work toward that,” Millacra said as she sat beside him. He picked at the grass beside him.  
  
“What exactly does Mother want with these girls?” he asked. She watched his hands still. “I mean she obviously doesn’t turn them or we’d have three new ones to watch after.” She looked to the sky.  
  
“I don’t know. Mother has never told me,” she replied. “And I’ve never asked.”  
  
“Why not? Don’t you want to know?”  
  
“Why would I care? They’re just naïve girls.”  
  
“But you just said that your little pet—” She shot him a look. “Ell. You just said she’s a person,” William said.  
  
“Doesn’t make her any less naïve, William. She is just like all the others,” she lied. “I will take her to Mother and forget her, just like all the others.”  
  
“How can you not remember them? You’re friends with them for months beforehand,” William asked. She looked at him again.  
  
“Because I have other things to remember. I’ve been around nearly two centuries and can’t be bothered to remember the names and faces of girls who are only in my life for a short amount of time.” Millacra looked back at the sky. “See that line of stars with a little hook at the end?” she asked, pointing up above them.  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“That’s Aries, and over there,” she continued, pointing to the left of it. “That is Pisces.”  
  
“And you’re telling me this why exactly?”  
  
“Because if I bothered to remember everyone who walked in and out of my life over the past nearly two hundred years then I would have no room to store all the things that never change.”  
  
“Which is what? The stars?” William asked.  
  
“The stars. Languages for the most part. If I remembered every little detail of people who fade in and out so quickly I would have to stop learning at some point.”  
  
“How can all these girls not mean anything to you?”  
  
“It’s not that they don’t mean anything, William.” She laid down on her back. “You’ve been one of us for seventeen years, yet somehow you still don’t get it.”  
  
“And at this rate I fear I never shall.”  
  
“I’ve tried to explain it so many times,” she started. “But let me try again. We live forever unless we do something stupid and get ourselves staked. And mortals die every day. We cannot be bothered to remember them all.” She looked over at William, who was still sitting and looking down at her. “Ell will be ready when Mother needs her.” She watched him stand.  
  
“I should get going. Mother will wonder what has kept me,” he replied as he walked away.  
  
***

The two girls lay on the ground looking at the stars. “And do you see those stars there?” Millacra asked, pointing at a cluster of stars. “That’s Felis. It was named by a French astronomer Jérôme Lalande. Do you know why he called it that?”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Because he liked cats and thought it odd that there weren’t any constellations named after cats even though there is already others. Like Leo, which is a lion.” She looked at Ell, who was watching her. “What? Is there something on my face?” Millacra asked. She wiped her face with her hand. Ell grabbed her hand to stop her.  
  
“No, it’s just funny,” Ell answered.  
  
“What’s funny?” Millacra asked, her browed furrowed.  
  
“The way your face lights up when you talk about the stars. And I don’t know how you know all this, but it’s fascinating,” Ell said. Millacra watched as Ell interlocked their fingers. “You fascinate me, Millacra. You’ve travelled everywhere in your short life, and I’ve never left this town.”  
  
“I haven’t travelled everywhere. I would love to go see the new museum in New York.”  
  
“That would be wonderful. But my father would never let me sail to America just to go to an art museum.”  
  
“I want to stay there,” Millacra said. She looked at their hands.  
  
“You are crazy, Millacra Karnstien.” Millacra smiled shyly. “I can see now why you enjoy the night.” Ell looked back to the sky and yawned. “But I’m not accustomed to these late hours.”  
  
“I know, darling.” Millacra rubbed her thumb over the back of Ell’s hand.  
  
“Thanks for staying up with me. The night terrors that I’ve been having have been getting worse.”  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
“Don’t apologize. It’s not any fault of yours,” Ell said. Millacra turned back to the sky as well. “My father would have a fit if he knew I was outside after that lightheaded spell I took earlier.”  
  
“Are you feeling any better?” Millacra asked.  
  
“A little bit, but I think I am just tired. I haven’t been sleeping well because of the night terrors,” Ell replied. “But enough about my health, what would you do if you moved to America? How would you live?”  
  
“I have some money. My father was a rich man. He set some money aside for me. Mother doesn’t know about it.”  
  
“How does she not know?” Ell asked, looking at her.  
  
“She never knew how much he made. He said it was our secret,” Millacra replied.  
  
“How much do you have?”  
  
“Enough I suppose. I could live off of it for a while.”  
  
“So, you’ve thought about this?” Ell’s thumb absentmindedly moved across the back of Millacra’s hand.  
  
“Yes, I have. I want to start making plans to leave soon,” Millacra said. She turned back from the sky.  
  
“Of course you’re going to leave me.” There was a pause.  
  
“Run away with me.” She gave Ells’s hand a gentle squeeze. Ell pulled her hand away.  
  
“What?” Ell asked.  
  
“I’ve seen so much of Europe. I want a change of scenery.” Millacra sat up. “And I want my best friend there with me.” Ell sat up, and her hand flew up to her head. “Are you ok?”  
  
“Yes, I just sat up too quickly,” Ell replied.  
  
“We should get you back inside. You need some rest,” Millacra said as she stood up. “Let’s go.” She held out her hand and helped Ell stand. Ell stumbled forward, but Millacra caught her. “Easy. Do you think you can walk back?”  
  
“What are you going to carry me if I can’t?” Ell said with a chuckle. She stumbled again.  
  
“I will if I must,” Millacra said before she knelt down. “Get on.” She gestured to her back. Ell tugged on her arm, trying to get her to stand back up.  
  
“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s only a short walk back to the house.”  
  
“Which is why I can carry you. Just get on and be quiet, I’ll let you walk the portion that they could see from the house.” Ell pulled on her arm again.  
  
“You can’t carry me,” Ell said.  
  
“I’ll be fine,” Millacra said. She smiled when she felt Ell on her back and her arms lace around her neck. She hooked her arms around Ell’s legs and began the walk back to Ell’s house. “Just don’t fall asleep on me.”  
  
“I won’t.” She tightened her arms around her friend’s neck. “When are you wanting to leave?”  
  
“I hope to before the new moon. Will you come with me?”  
  
“I would in a heartbeat, but Father would never let me, especially being sick.”  
  
“Sweetheart,” Millacra sighed. “It’s called running away because we aren’t going to ask for permission. We’re just going to go.”  
  
“Do you think that I will be well by then?”  
  
“If you aren’t maybe you just need some fresh air.”  
  
“Let’s do it then,” Ell said, snuggling into Millacra’s neck. “Let’s go to America.” She smiled at the muffled voice and the warm breath on her neck. “You’ll plan everything?”  
  
“I will.” A silence fell over them until they came into view of the house. “Well, darling, this is your stop.” She knelt down, and Ell got back on the ground. Ell interlocked their hands again.  
  
“If I fall, you’re going down with me,” she said with a small laugh. Millacra smiled a small smile, shaking her head as it dropped into her free hand.  
  
“Shh, let’s get you back inside without waking everyone, shall we?” Millacra said. She managed to get them inside and to Ell’s room without disturbing anyone. “Get ready for bed.” She closed the door behind her and went to her own room to change for bed. The red words on her hip still burned as bright as they did sixteen years ago. _You are a monster._ She quickly dressed for bed and went back to Ell’s room. She knocked lightly on the door.  
  
“Father?” Ell’s voice called from the other side of the door. Millacra smiled and opened the door.  
  
“I certainly hope not,” she replied, looking at Ell who was now laying in her bed. “I just wanted to check on you before we went to sleep.”  
  
“You are too kind,” Ell said, scooting to one side of the bed. “Lay down with me?”  
  
“What would your father think?” she asked as she walked over and sat down on the bed. Ell pulled her down beside her.  
  
“He will think that you are a wonderful friend who was taking care of me in the night.”  
  
Millacra got under the blankets and turned to Ell. “Good night, Ell. I’ll start figuring everything out in the morning.” She closed her eyes and listened as the other girl’s breathing even out.  
  
***

Millacra stopped at the edge of the clearing when she saw two figures sitting in the field facing her. “William said you’d be here soon enough,” her mother’s voice rang out. She stepped out into the clearing. “You always did like the night sky. Almost better than hunting I believe.” She watched her mother stand.  
  
“Is it time?” Millacra asked.  
  
“Not yet, but it will be in a few weeks’ time.”  
  
“Then why are you here?”  
  
“William here is afraid that you are becoming too close with your little _pet_ ,” Maman said. Millacra bit her tongue. “I told him that you would never do that. Isn’t that right, dear?”  
  
“Of course I wouldn’t do that, Mother. I don’t know what gave him that idea,” Millacra replied, shooting a look at William.  
  
“She uses their names. Even when it’s just us talking,” William said. “I called the girl a pet and she nearly took my head off for it.” He had gotten up and walked behind Mother.  
  
“Is that true?”  
  
“Yes and no. I do call the girls by their names, but you know me better than that, Mother. If I had nearly taken his head off, then he wouldn’t have one.” She lunged at William, but Mother stepped in between them.  
  
“Millacra, watch your temper, dear. I told you that it was unlady-like in 1698, and it is still unlady-like now,” Mother said. “William is just concerned for you, dear. Like a good brother should be.”  
  
“But I’ve done this for years, and you’ve never seen a problem with it.”  
  
“I am aware of that, but William is not. This is his first time.”  
  
“Yes, I know. It’s always confusing the first time,” Millacra said. “Why did you have to come all this way just to tell William that it’s ok that I don’t use nicknames?”  
  
“I always like to have that conversion in front of you. It took him longer to tell than, oh, what was that boy’s name?”  
  
“Lawson?” William questioned.  
  
“Ah, yes. Lawson,” Mother said with a sigh. “Well, if you two are done acting like children I am going for a hunt. Either of you care to join me?” She looked between the two who were shaking their heads. Mother ran out of the clearing and into the surrounding woods.  
  
“You told Mother on me? What are you, twelve?” Millacra said as she turned back toward the house.  
  
“I was just doing it because I care about you, Kitty,” he said. She could hear his smirk.  
  
“Oh, grow up.” And with that she walked away.  
  
***

Millacra sat on her suitcase by the tree where Ell had agreed to meet her. She looked at the nearly dark sky and fidgeted with the violets and single snapdragon that she held.  
  
“Well, fancy meeting you here, Kitty,” William said, stepping out from behind a tree. Millacra jumped up, throwing the flowers to the ground. “See? I can be quiet when I want to be.”  
  
“What are you doing here?”  
  
“I could ask you the same thing.” He kicked the suitcase. It popped open. “Going somewhere?”  
  
“Where would I go?”  
  
“Your little pet said you were fleeing to America.”  
  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Millacra said.  
  
“Of course you know.”  
  
“She’ll be over here,” Ell’s voice sounded through the trees.  
  
“William, did you find her?” Mother’s voice rang out. “Did you find the monster?” The word made Millacra’s eyes widen. They came into view, and she went to run to Ell and drag her away from Mother. William held her back.  
  
“She knows what you are,” he hissed in her ear. “Mother told her everything.” Ell saw them.  
  
“There. There’s the monster.” Ell’s voice saying that word made Millacra’s stomach turn. Ell marched over to her. “Wanted me to run away with you? You just wanted to kill me.”  
  
“No, no. You have it all wrong,” Millacra said. “They’re lying to you. Can’t you see that?”  
  
“They explained everything. Why you’re wake all night. How you know all these things. How you could carry me the other night,” Ell said, looking at her. Millacra searched the face of the girl in front of her. “You’re a vampire. A monster.”  
  
“And you are a child who knows nothing,” she spat. “What do you think they are?”  
  
“Why would she believe you?” Her mother bent over and picked up the discarded flowers. “You’ve done nothing but lie to her since the day you met,” Maman said. “The snapdragon is a nice touch. A symbol of deception.”  
  
“I love you,” Millacra replied, looking at Ell and trying to ignore her mother. The other girl stepped back a little before smacking her.  
  
“You know nothing of love. You are stone, and stone cannot love flesh,” Ell said. She turned and began to walk away. “And you were the reason I’m sick. The reason I kept having those terrible dreams. It was your fault.”  
  
“Ell, no. That’s not it at all.”  
  
“I hope they stake you. They said they would.” She looked up at the woman beside her. “I’m feeling sick again. You’ll take me home now, right?”  
  
“Of course, my dear girl. William, take care of this creature. We discussed what to do,” Maman said, putting her arm around the small girl’s shoulders.  
  
“No, Ell, don’t listen to them,” Millacra said. She broke out of William’s hold and ran in front of the pair. “Don’t touch her.” She tackled her mother to the ground. Ell screamed as William ran up and began to pull Millacra off the older woman, but he was flipped into the air. “Ell, please get out of here. Run.” Her mother caught her off guard and pinned her to the ground. Millacra struggled under her.  
  
“You can only hope that you will live to regret this,” Maman whispered to her. William held her down as Maman got up. “Come, dear,” she said to Ell. “Let’s get you home.” She held out her hand to the girl. “I will join you shortly,” she threw over her shoulder.  
  
“You are a monster,” Ell said as she backed away from where William held Millacra to the ground. She turned, grabbed the offered hand, and followed the older woman.  
  
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Millacra said. She watched the other girl stiffen at her words. “I’m so sorry.” But she continued to walk away. “Get off me.” She fought against William who was smiling above her.  
  
“Not a chance, Kitty.”  
  
“She’s going to die. Mother will kill her. Let me go.”  
  
“I wouldn’t be worried about her. I would be more concerned for myself if I were you.” Millacra looked at him. “Mortals die every day, but we live forever unless we do something stupid.”  
  
“Let me go, or I swear this will not end well for you.”  
  
“I don’t think so. You know Mother doesn’t like disobedient children.”  
  
“Then go ahead and stake me. I know you want to,” Millacra said. “Such a long time to hold a grudge, Willie-Boy.”  
  
“Oh, Mother doesn’t want me to stake you. Mother wants you very much alive,” William said. “However, if it were up to me there would already be a stake through your heart. She starved me for months in that cage.”  
  
“Then tie me up and starve me. Do whatever Mother-dearest has told you to do.” She looked to the side where Ell had walked off with Maman. “It’s not like it matters anymore.” William stood up and pulled her to her feet.  
  
“I’m going to love this. Walk,” he commanded. They walked in silence through the woods in the opposite direction. William tightened his grip on her arms. “Don’t worry Mother will join us again once your pet has been taken care of.”  
  
“Stop calling her that. She’s a person,” she said. They came to a field where there was a pile of mud in the middle of it. George, another of Maman’s ‘children,’ was sitting on a box with a shovel laying across his lap. “What is this?”  
  
“This is your punishment, Kitty,” George said as he stood up and grabbed one of her arms from William.  
  
“I hate that name,” Millacra said.  
  
“Well, then stop changing yours so often,” George said. “Let’s get her in the ground.”  
  
“We’re to wait on Mother,” William answered. “You know the plan.”  
  
“Right. She won’t be long, will she?”  
  
“Of course not. She just had to take care of a few things first.”  
  
“She’s burying me, what more could she want to do?” Millacra asked. “I know she doesn’t plan on killing me because that would be too easy on me.”  
  
“Oh, I may not plan on killing you,” her mother’s voice said from behind them. “But I want you to think about this betrayal while you waste away your long centuries under the earth.” Millacra felt Mother’s fingers on her shoulder. “George, put her in the coffin. William, be a dear and help me with this.”  
  
George took Millacra and carried her to the box he had been sitting on. He opened the lid and placed her inside. “Don’t even think about running,” he said as he stepped back. Maman and William appeared over her, holding a barrel.  
  
“You will learn from this. I can’t have any threats to the sacrifice,” Mother said as they tipped the barrel and blood began to pour in around her until she was covered. She heard the lid slam shut. “Make quick work of this, boys the sun will be up soon.”  
  
Millacra felt herself being picked up. The blood splashed around her, and that was when she smelled it. That tiny hint of familiar blood. She felt the coffin land at the bottom of the hole. Mother knew how to make her think of her betrayal.  
  
She was covered in blood.  
  
And some of it was Ell’s.


	3. Chapter 3

She was covered in decades old blood when she stumbled over the battlefield, bombs having upheaved the coffin that had held her captive. She looked at the bodies lying around her. The smell of fresh blood assaulted her nose. She felt her fangs extend. _You are a monster_ , she heard in the back of her mind.

“No, no I’m not,” she mumbled to herself as she wiped at the blood that was dried on her face. “I tried. You weren’t supposed to die.”

_You are a monster_ , Ell’s voice reminded her.

“Yes, I’m a monster.” She shook her head and tried to retract her fangs. She thought of her mother, but didn’t find the fear that she once knew. “What did I let her do?” The smell of the blood was too strong around her. “You were changing me though,” she whispered. She stopped and looked down at a body near her. She walked over to it. “I didn’t want to be a monster.”

_You are a monster_ , the words repeated again.

“But I loved you,” she replied.

_Stone cannot love flesh_ , the small voice reminded her again. _You know nothing of love._

“I was flesh before.”

_You are a monster._

“And you can’t change a monster.” She looked out at the bodies that littered the field. “I just need a little,” she muttered to herself as she dropped down beside the body. Her teeth sank into the still-warm flesh. The blood did not pulse into her mouth as she had been used to, but she still drained the body. She moved on to the next.

She had not had blood in so long. She had refused to drink anything tainted by Ell and underestimated her hunger. She stood up from the last body, wiping the blood from her mouth on a cloth she had found in his pocket. There was not a drop of blood left in the bodies on the battlefield.

“I’m still a monster,” she sighed as she surveyed the field once more before running toward the house that they were leaving that night. It did not take long for her to find a smoking pile of rubble that looked like it had been a town. She saw the collapsed buildings and the spots that were still on fire. She sat down to watch the smoldering town. “What is going on here?” she pondered after a while. The dried blood cracked all over her skin reminding her of what had happened when Mother put her in the coffin, and she began scratching at it. Small flakes of blood fell off of her and to the ground. “This isn’t working.” She stood and ran away from the scene in the direction of the small stream she had taken walks to during her nights before the coffin.

“This isn’t how I remember it,” she said as she looked at the shallow and barely running stream. She knelt down at the edge of the stream. She began furiously washing away the cruel reminder of her mother. Her head jerked up at the sound of a snapping twig across the stream from her.

“What are you doing? Don’t you know there’s a war going on?” a man’s voice called. She looked up at him. “What the hell happened to you? You’re a bloody mess.”

“N-Nothing,” she stammered. “I’m fine.”

“Miss, do you need medical attention?” The man had ran over to her.

“No, no. It’s um not mine,” she answered.

“Are you sure? I can get you some help,” the man said.

“Truly I’m fine. I was in the woods over there,” she said, pointing to the woods behind her. “When the bomb went off, it knocked me for a loop. I went back to the village to see if there were any survivors. The village. God, the village is nothing but rubble and fire. And the blood. So much blood.” She looked down at herself. “I’m covered in blood.”

“We should still get you checked out, miss. You might have some internal damage from the shock waves.”

“No. I have told you I am fine. You should go check on the village.”

“Miss, I’m going to need you to come with me,” the man said.

“Sir, why would I go anywhere with you? I don’t know the first thing about you,” she said. “I don’t even know your name.”

“Private Richard Brown, British Army. At your service,” he replied with a slight bow. “And you are?”

She froze. “I’m uh,” she started. “My name’s um.”

“Miss, I really think you should get yourself checked out. You might have amnesia,” Richard said. “What is your name?”

“It’s Violet. Violet Karnstein,” she replied.

“Miss Karnstein,” he began.

“Please, just call me Violet.”

“Well, Violet,” he said, extending his hand. “I would greatly appreciate you accompanying me back to the barracks. You can get cleaned up better there.”

“I will go with you as long as you stop insisting that I get checked out. I just want to get cleaned up and be on my way,” Violet said.

“I can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to, but I will stop suggesting it if it makes you that uncomfortable.”

“It doesn’t make me uncomfortable. It just annoys me,” she said as she took his hand. “How far are the barracks from here?”

“It’s quite the drive. My truck is over by the road,” Richard said as he led her away from the stream. “I still don’t know how you survived that blast.”

“I was in the woods. Nowhere near it,” Violet replied.

“But you were so close. It doesn’t make sense.”

“By the grace of God, I suppose,” she said. “I don’t even have any clean clothes.” She sighed. “Getting cleaned up won’t do much good if I have to put this back on.” She gestured toward her blood-caked clothes.

“I’m sure that they will find you something to wear at the barracks.” Richard stopped them when they got to the road. “Wait here. My truck is in the thicket over there.” He pointed across the road to an overgrown bush. “Wait here and I’ll get it.” She waited as Richard ran to the other side of the road.

Violet jumped back when she heard the rumbling sound that came from the thicket. She watched in awe as Richard drove out in a metal horseless carriage looking object. It stopped in front of her. “Get in. It’s quite the ride back to the barracks.” She climbed into the truck. “Hold on,” Richard said as he started to drive. The vehicle lurched forward. Violent grabbed the dashboard in front of her. “Sorry about that. It’s a rough start sometimes.”

Violet could only manage to nod her head. She looked down at her feet and picked up a newspaper that was there. “Can I read this?”

“It’s a few weeks old.”

“Oh, that’s fine,” she replied.

“Then, sure, go ahead. As long as you don’t get sick in the truck,” he said. Violet looked down at the paper she was holding. Her eyes were glued to the small banner at the top.

_8 March 1944_

***

“I’m sorry, Miss Karnstein.” Richard shook his head. “I mean Violet. I’m sorry, but we don’t having anything that would be more befitting of a lovely young lady, such as yourself.” He handed her the folded clothes that he had retrieved from a tent on the other side of the barracks. “All we have are these army greens.” Violet took the pile of clothes.

“Thank you. Anything to get out of these clothes.”

“The showers are over there,” he said, pointing over to another tent. “All of the men have been instructed to stay out until they are given the all clear, so it’s all yours.”

Violet nodded and walked over to the tent that Richard had pointed out. She closed the door behind her and sat the clean clothes down on a bench near it. She walked to the showerhead and turned the water on, letting the water wash over her even though she was still dressed. She tried not to watch as the blood swirled down the drain. She turned the water off and began to remove the bloodied fabric from her body. She looked at her hip as she did.

“Thank Heavens,” Violet muttered when she saw that there were no words written there. She finished washing the blood from off of her skin and out of her hair. She dried off and got dressed in the clothes that Richard had found for her. She picked up the soaking dress. She walked back outside and found Richard.

“Let me take that,” Richard said, taking the dress from her. “We can get this washed up for you.”

“Just burn it. I’ll get some new clothes somewhere,” she said.

“Are you sure? We can—“

“Yes, I’m sure. I don’t want the reminder.”

“Ok, then. We can do that. If you’re sure you don’t want it.” She shook her head. “Then I’ll throw it away.” He took it behind another tent and came back without it. “Shall I show you where you’ll be staying until we can get you and the other refugees to the camp?” He extended his hand, and she took it.

“Other refugees?” Violet asked as they walked through the tents.

“Yes. There’s a Jewish refugee camp across the border. The captain is sending a convoy of refugees there in a few days,” he replied. “You got here at a good time.”

“A Jewish refugee camp?”

“You’re Jewish, right?” Richard asked. “Karnstein sounds Jewish.”

“It’s not. Or at least my family isn’t,” she said.

“Oh, well, we just assumed that you were on your way to that camp. They will still take you even if you aren’t Jewish though.” Richard looked around. “They let anyone fleeing the Nazis stay there.”

“I’m not fleeing anyone,” Violet responded.

“Doesn’t matter if you’re Jewish or gypsy or whatever. They just want to save people.”

“You never listen to me. I said I’m not fleeing anyone. I just have nowhere to go.”

“Right. I’m sorry that we assumed more than we should have, but they will take you regardless.” He stopped them in front of a tent. “Well, this is where you’ll be staying. The others will help you get better situated.” He opened the flap-like door and motioned her in. “I’ll see you around, Violet,” he said as he closed the flap.

***

Violet pushed the food on her tray around with her fork not paying any attention to the conversation that the others were having around her. She looked up when Judy nudged her shoulder. “What?”

“I know the food isn’t that great, but you haven’t eaten much since you got here,” Judy said. “I’ve never seen someone eat so little in a span of four days.”

“I just haven’t been that hungry,” Violet said softly. She looked across the table at Richard. “And don’t even think of saying I should go to the medical tent.” He put his hands up in defeat.

“Sue me for wanting to make sure that you are okay before we head out tonight,” he said.

“What do you mean ‘before we head out tonight’?” Violet asked, placing her fork down on the tray.

“I swear you never pay any attention to what’s going on around you. That’s what we’ve been talking about,” Judy replied. Violet sat looking between the two of them.

“We’re taking the convoy tonight. We thought we had a stronghold here, but the Nazis are approaching a lot faster than expected,” Richard said.

_The Nazis? Right, the bad guys_ , Violet thought. “So, you have to get us out of here tonight?”

“The captain is afraid that it will likely become very unsafe for civilians around here in the days to come. And the camp is a couple of days’ journey from here.”

“Do you know yet when we’ll be leaving?” Judy asked.

“Probably after we finish eating. The captain wanted us to all have some food before we started out. The food we’ll have on the road won’t be as good as this,” Richard said. “Violet, you should really try to eat something.”

“I’m really not that hungry.” She pushed her tray away from her. “I’ll take my chances with the food that we’ll have on the road.” _Or whatever animal I can find to eat out there._

“Suit yourself,” Richard said, getting up from the table. “I’ll see you and the others after you finish eating and pack your things.” He dumped his tray and walked out of the tent.

“I guess I should go too. I might not have much, but I still need to pack it up,” Judy said as she got up from the table too.

“I’ll help you,” Violet said, taking both of their trays. “Anything to get away from this awful food.” Judy shook her head as Violet dumped the trays and they left the tent.

“You really should have ate something,” Judy said. “I don’t even know how you’re still functioning.”

“I learned to not need a lot of food. You know with the war and rationing. I just can’t eat much yet,” Violet replied. “Like I said, I’ve not been that hungry.” They walked to the cramped tent that the refugees called their own. There weren’t many of them and no one had many belongings, but the tent was small. “After you,” Violet said as she lifted the door out. She followed Judy inside. “So, what all do you have to pack?” Violet took a seat on Judy's cot and watched as she started rummaging through things underneath it.

“I only have a couple of sets of clothes and a book I just couldn’t leave behind,” she replied, holding up a book. “I know it’s silly, but I love Shakespeare’s works, but I couldn’t bring much. So I picked the sonnets.” She handed the book to Violet. “Have you ever read them?”

“Oh, yes, but it was a very long time ago,” she answered as she turned the book over in her hands.

“It couldn’t have been that long ago. You’re only what, eighteen?” Judy said with a laugh. “Which one is your favorite?”

“I would have to say—” Violet started before Richard and another man rushed in.

“We have to leave. Now,” the other man said. “Let’s go. Only take the necessities.”

“Richard, what’s going on?” Violet asked. Judy finished packing her things in her small bag.

“They’re closer than we had thought. If we don’t leave now then we can no longer promise you all safety,” Richard replied. The four people in the tent followed the two men out to a waiting truck. The other man counted as they climbed into the truck.

“Four, right?” he said.

“Yeah, get in,” Richard commanded. The door had barely shut behind the other man before Richard began driving. Everyone was silent as the truck bounced down the road. Violet looked at Judy who was fidgeting with her bag. “The captain said that they were coming from the north, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I think we’ve been misled.”

“Why?” the other man said before looking up ahead of them. “Everyone down.” He grabbed his gun. She saw another truck parked across the road. “I said down.” The man shoved her head down before the truck came to a stop.

“Get out,” she heard a man say with a thick German accent. “All of you.” The doors to the truck opened. Richard and the other man were stripped of their guns. “Everyone over there.” They all began to walk in the direction they had been pointed before Judy used her backpack to hit the man who was walking behind her. A gunshot rang out, and Judy fell to the ground on top of her bag. One of the other refugees, his name was maybe Benjamin, raced to her side. The man she had attacked held a hand to his side as he raised his gun and fired. The other officer that had come with them lunged at the man who had shot Judy in an attempt to recover his gun, but he was hit in the head with the stock of the gun. He fell to the ground. The man aimed down at him and pulled the trigger.

“Does anyone else want to try anything stupid?” He was answered by silence. “Good now move.” They continued walking until they were in the middle of the woods. “On your knees,” the man commanded. They knelt down. She heard the man at the end mumbling something in Hebrew which she assumed was a prayer before the gun sounded and his voice stopped. She watched Richard fidget with the cross that he wore around his neck, his eyes closed and lips moving silently. She heard the hammer being pulled back and looked ahead of her. The gunshot rang out, and she saw Richard fall beside her.

She felt the two men behind her and heard the hammer pull back before the metal touched the back of her head. She turned quickly and knocked the gun to the side. It went off when it hit the ground.

“Another fighter, huh?” said the man who had shot Judy. He aimed his gun at her, but she kicked it away too.

“ _If it’s going to be a fight, it should be a fair one_ ,” she said in German that lisped around her fangs. The men stared at her. She ran at them before they had time to react. They fell to the ground. She landed on top of one and bit into his neck. She felt the blood pump into her mouth. The man under her soon stopped struggling against her. She heard the other man get up and start to run away. But she was faster. She pounced. Her fangs were in his neck before he could scream. She drained him too. She stood up from his body. “Who’s the real monster?” She walked back to Judy’s body, grabbed her bag, and ran away from the scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to comment, I love reading them. Find me on Tumblr or Twitter at mhbills92.


	4. Chapter 4

1953

“Violet, will you stop reading that infernal book and get back to work?” Francis said as he shoved her feet off the table. “And how many times do I have to tell you to keep your feet off of the table?” Violet rolled her eyes as she shut her book. She put the book into the pocket of her apron as she straightened it back out before she made her way back behind the counter.

“Don’t you have that book memorized yet?” Alice asked, wiping down the table that Violet had just had her feet on. “You’re reading it every time I see you on break. Which is all the time,” she said with a chuckle. “It’s a wonder he hasn’t fired you yet.”

“Let him. It’s not like he really needs the help around here,” Violet replied, gesturing to the empty café. “We barely get any customers. And it’d give me a reason to leave this city.”

“You want to leave?”

“Yeah. I love this city, but my family travelled a lot when I was younger.” She wiped down the counter. “And I guess I just miss that.”

“Where would you go?” Alice asked as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

“Alice, that’s for the customers,” Francis’s voice echoed from the other side of the room.

“I’ll put it back if we get any,” she responded. Violet laughed.

“And you wonder how it is that I haven’t been fired yet.” Violet watched as Alice poured another cup and handed it to her.

“So, where would you go?” Alice asked.

“I don’t know. I haven’t been to England in years, so I might go back there,” Violet answered. She took a sip of the lukewarm liquid and scrunched up her nose. “And yet it’s a mystery as to why no one ever comes in here.” Alice shook her head, but Violet caught the faint smile that threatened to spread across her.

“Well, maybe if someone would remember to make a fresh pot every now and then that wouldn’t be a problem,” Francis said. He looked out the window. “I make a pot every morning, the least you two could do is making a new one when you see that it’s not quite as fresh anymore.”

“Fresh coffee won’t make the customers come back. People like the new cafes in town,” Violet said. “This place will go under. It’s only a matter of time because people don’t care about personal service if it’s too slow for them.” Francis turned away from the window and walked to the back of the store.

“Go back to your book. I don’t know why I bother.” They heard his small office door close behind him.

“Geez, Vi, that was a little harsh, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, well, he needed to hear it. Nothing will ever make people come back,” Violet replied as she grabbed her book and returned to the table that she had been sitting before. She propped her feet back up. She opened the book and began to read. She looked over the top of the book when she felt her feet being lifted from the table, and she watched as Alice sat on the table, placing her feet down on her lap. Violet allowed her gaze to return to the page in front of her.

“Can I ask you something? And if it’s rude or too personal or anything you don’t have to answer,” Alice stammered. Violet sighed and closed the book again, setting it on the table by Alice.

“Since no one around here wants me to read go ahead.”

“Do you have words? I mean I haven’t seen yours, but I know that not everyone has them on their wrist like I do and I was just—”

“I don’t have words,” Violet stated. Alice looked down at her.

“I’m sorry. It was rude of me to ask. My mom always told me it was, but I just had to know.”

“It’s ok. I really don’t mind. The thought of soulmates is silly to me,” she lied. “And the fact that you don’t know whether or not you’re soulmates until the very end of your time together is rather ridiculous to me.” She watched as Alice picked up the book and flipped through the pages.

“For someone who doesn’t believe in love you read about a lot about it. Never pictured you to be a Shakespeare kind of girl, maybe more of a _Dracula_ person, but Shakespeare’s sonnets never,” Alice said.

“Alice, I never said that I didn’t believe in love. I just don’t believe that a soulmate is the only person that one can love.”

“You don’t?” Alice asked as she grabbed a napkin off of the table. Violet took her feet off Alice’s lap and put them on the ground. She placed her hand on the other girl’s knee, aware that Alice was now watching her movements.

“If I did then I would have to believe that I will never find love in this life, and that’s rather depressing, don’t you think?”

“Yeah. I guess I never really thought about it like that before. Then again I’ve never really met anyone who didn’t have words before,” Alice started. “Or at least no one that has ever admitted it when asked about.” Violet gave her know a gentle squeeze.

“Stop talking before I pour what’s left of my coffee into your mouth.” Alice clamped her mouth shut and grabbed a pen from her apron. “No one would lie about having words if they didn’t because sooner or later someone will see that they don’t. You can’t hide that forever.” Alice scribbled on the napkin before placing it in the book, which she handed back to Violet as she jumped off of the table and walked into the back room.

Violet opened the book and read the now familiar writing that was scrolled across the napkin:

_I’m glad you still believe in love._

***

Violet looked at the clock on the wall as she finished wiping down the last of the tables in the small café. “Hurry, Alice, flip the open sign over to ‘closed’ before we get a rush of customers in. It’s already past closing time.” Alice raced around the counter to the door and flipped the sign around.

“Thank goodness you caught that in time. We didn’t need another rush of customers like we had at lunch. That was crazy,” Alice said. Francis rolled his eyes.

“We had three customers in a span of four hours. That is hardly a rush,” he said. “Why do I even keep you two around?”

“Because we’re cute and what few customers we get only come in here to see us,” Alice said. Francis shook his head.

“Go on. I’ll finish closing shop,” he said, waving them out the door. The two girls took off their aprons and threw them at him. “Get out of here.” Alice grabbed Violet’s hand as they headed out the door. Violet tried to pull away, but Alice held on.

“Just come with me. Please,” she said as she tightly squeezed Violet’s hand. Violet sighed and let herself be pulled along the street.

“At least tell me where we’re going.”

“Where would be the fun in that?” Alice asked. She led them through the streets until they were standing outside an apartment building. “And we’re here.”

“And where is here exactly?” Violet asked as she managed to pull her hand from Alice’s.

“My apartment, of course,” Alice stated. She locked her arm with Violet’s. “Come on.” Violet walked beside her until they stood in front of apartment #3. Alice dug her key out of her pocket and opened the door. “Why don’t you go sit on the couch, and I’ll make us some coffee?” Violet raised an eyebrow. “Right, maybe some tea then?”

“Tea would be fantastic,” Violet said as she walked into the living room and sat on the couch. She listened as Alice opened and closed several cabinets. “Why did you want to bring me here?”

“Because my place is close to the café and I figured that we could just kind of relax here and just talk. We don’t get together any outside of work.”

“Did you ever think that maybe there was a reason for that?” Violet said. Alice looked over the counter that separated them. “Maybe I don’t like talking to you.”

“Now that’s a lie. You love talking to me,” Alice said. She walked into the living room. “If you didn’t I’m sure that you’d be in England by now. You have no other reason for hanging around here. No family to hold you back.” Violet bit her lip. “Oh, I’m sorry. That was insensitive of me. I just... I never know what to say around you.” Alice slipped into a chair across the coffee table from the couch.

“Alice, it’s ok. Really. I came to terms with losing my family a long time ago,” Violet said. “And you don’t have to worry about what you say around me. If you say something too inappropriate I’ll tell you.”

“I just… This is...,” Alice said, standing back up and returning to the kitchen. “I don’t know why I get so tongue-tied around you.”

“Again don’t worry about it,” Violet said. Alice returned with two cups of tea. She handed one to Violet and sat on the other end of the couch with the other.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Don’t you always?” Violet sighed. She took a sip of her tea and waited. Alice remained silent. Violet looked over at her and saw her staring down into her cup. “You know you can ask me anything.” Alice set her cup down on the table and looked at Violet.

“Did you really mean it the other day?”

“You’re going to have to be more specific. Did I really mean what?”

“That you think you can love someone who isn’t your soulmate?” Alice asked. Violet smiled and shook her head.

“I already told you that I believe that. I know I don’t have a soulmate, remember?”

“Do you think that someone with a soulmate could love another?” Alice asked, her gazing landing back on her cup of tea. Violet put her tea down and turned toward Alice.

“I don’t see why they couldn’t. I mean I guess they couldn’t love that person as deeply as they would their soulmate, so it may not work out in the end. But yeah I suppose anyone could love anyone really,” Violet replied as her eyes searched the side of Alice’s face. “Why do you ask?”

“Wait here,” Alice said. She stood up and walked into the kitchen again.

“Do you normally spend your entire evening in your kitchen?” Violet asked. Alice came back into the room holding a bunch of violets. “Where did you get those?”

“I had them in the kitchen. I wanted to give you something.”

“Did it have to be violets?” she asked as she stood up and walked toward the door. “Is that why you brought me here?”

“I thought that it was obvious. Vi,” Alice said, placing the flowers in the counter and reaching out her hand. “Violet, if you think that we can love someone other than our soulmate then I want to try.” She took Violet’s hand in hers. “And I think I want to try it with you.”

“Alice, I can’t. I won’t do that to you,” Violet said as she opened the door. “You shouldn’t waste your time with someone like me.” She walked out of the apartment, her hands shaking as she closed the door behind her.

***

She had spent the night staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep. Her eyes closed and all she could see was Ell walking away. All she could feel was herself being covered in the blood, her mouth shut tight to stop the feeling of the still warm liquid dripping into her throat. She clasped her hands over her ears, trying to stop those words again.

_They explained everything._

“I still don’t know how she discovered us,” Violet said, a tear streaming down her face. “I was so careful.”

_You are a monster._

“You knew I wasn’t a monster. Mother was the monster.” She felt more tears fall. “Why did you have to die?” Violet looked out her window and saw that the sun was starting to come. 

She quickly dried her eyes and got dressed. She rushed out the door to the market that was set up on the corner that she passed every day on her way to work. She looked through the flowers, trying to find the right flower. She smiled when she saw it in the very last vase at the end of the row. The woman at the stall looked at her as she picked up the purple hyacinth.

“You look like you haven’t slept in days,” she remarked when Violet walked to her with the flower and vase.

“I can’t sleep when I’m fighting with a friend,” she replied, looking at the flower in her hands. “How much?”

“Why don’t you take it?”

“No. I couldn’t do that. I have the money,” she said, putting her hand in her purse.

“Go. Give it to your friend. Then go back home and get some sleep. Whatever else you have to do today can wait. You must realize that your health comes first.” The woman looked her up and down. “When did you last eat?” Violet looked at her with wide eyes.

“What?”

“When did you last eat, dear?” the old woman asked again.

“The day before yesterday. I can’t eat after an argument either,” Violet sighed. She had forgotten to go hunting because all she could hear was ‘You are a monster’.

“Then I’m changing the order of my advice. Take the flower. Go make up with your friend. Eat. Then go to sleep.”

“I’m not taking the flower. I will pay you for it,” Violet said. The woman opened her mouth. “I shall not be able to sleep until I do.” The woman nodded her head. Violet handed her some money.

“Wait here while I get you your change,” the woman said as she turned away.

“No. Keep it. Think of it as me buying my peace of mind,” Violet said as she hurried away. She pushed the door to the café open. “Francis, I’m taking the week off.” 

“Whatever,” she heard him grumble from the back. She grabbed a napkin and pen:

_I will see you in a week. I’ll explain everything then. Please forgive me._

She placed the napkin under the vase which she left on the counter as she quickly returned to the street before Alice showed up for work.

***

Violet opened the door after the fifth knock only to see Alice’s shocked face. “Come in, please,” she said, gesturing for the other girl to come in. She closed the door behind her. “We have a lot to talk about.” Alice stared around herself in awe.

“You live here?” she finally managed to ask as Violet led them through the house. “And yet you still work as a waitress?”

“Yeah. I don’t want to always depend on what my parents left me. I know one day it will be gone and I’ll have to earn my own,” Violet replied. “Please take a seat on the couch. Do you want anything to drink?” Alice sat on the couch and looked at Violet, shaking her head.

“No, I’m fine,” she said. “Where have you been all week? Francis said he didn’t know anything. Vi, I was worried. Are you ok?”

“Yes, Alice,” Violet said as she sat on the arm of the couch beside of her. “I’m ok. I just needed time to think things through.” She took Alice’s hand. “I hope you can forgive me for the way I acted. You just caught me off guard.”

“I’m sorry too. I thought you realized that I had feelings for you,” Alice said.

“I thought you did, but I also thought that would change once you found out that I didn’t have a soulmate.” She rubbed the back of Alice’s hand. “Most people don’t want someone who they know can’t even be their soulmate. I know people want to meet their soulmate. That’s all that anyone wants to do.” Violet let go of her hand and stood. She paced the floor before grabbing her book of sonnets off of the coffee table. She flipped through the pages. “Here,” she said, handing the book to Alice. “My favorite sonnet. 145.

_Those lips that love’s own hand did make_  
_Breathed forth the sound that said “I hate”_  
_To me that languished for her sake;_  
_But when she saw my woeful state,_  
_Straight in her heart did mercy come,_  
_Chiding that tongue that, ever sweet,_  
_Was used in giving gentle doom,_  
_And taught it thus anew to greet:_  
_“I hate” she altered with an end_  
_That followed it as gentle day_  
_Doth follow night, who like a fiend_  
_From heav'n to hell is flown away._  
_“I hate” from hate away she threw,_  
_And saved my life, saying “not you.”_

Alice looked at her in amazement as she recited the poem. “Why is that one your favorite?”

“I should have told you before, but I had words. Only I heard them several years ago.” She stopped pacing. “My soulmate might as well have told me they hated me. And it was the worst day of my life. I wish she could have said ‘I hate not you,’ but she thought she couldn’t love me.”

“Oh, Violet. I didn’t know,” Alice said.

“No one knows. My own parents never knew,” Violet said as she sat on the opposite end of the couch from Alice. “It’s time for me to ask you a question.”

“Ok,” Alice said, looking over at her. “You can ask anything.”

“Do you really want to try to love someone who can’t be your soulmate?” Violet asked. She watched as Alice flipped through the well-worn pages of the book.

“Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?” she started. “Thou art more lovely and more temperate. And I’ll be honest that’s all I know of the sonnets, but I don’t know how to answer you that yes I want to try to love you if you will let me.”

“Alice, you don’t know what you’re saying,” Violet replied. “You should want to find your soulmate. They could love you better than I ever could.” Alice scooted over to Violet’s side of the couch.

“Right now I don’t want a soulmate. I want someone to learn to love with.” She stroked Violet’s hair. “I can’t promise you forever, but I can promise for now.” She took Violet’s hand. “If you want forever then we can forget about this.” Violet smiled at her.

“I know you could never give me forever.”

***

“Hey,” Violet said as Alice walked through the door at work. Alice walked over to the table where she was sitting as always. Violet put down her book and pulled Alice onto her lap. “So what should we do tonight? It is a special day after all.” Alice slipped her arms around Violet’s neck.

“And what makes it so special?” Alice asked.

“Well, first of all you finally memorized a sonnet other than 18 which is more than most people can say. And secondly, if I remember correctly, I believe it’s been 2 months since we decided to give this thing a chance,” Violet replied.

“You remembered,” Alice said with a smile, kissing her cheek.

“Of course I remembered. You nearly had my head when I forgot last time,” Violet said, putting her arms around Alice.

“Who forgets their month anniversary?”

“Who celebrates their month anniversary?”

“Someone who knows they may not have forever,” Alice said.

“Touché,” Violet said. Francis came out of the back room.

“You two get to work or I won’t let you leave tonight for whatever it is you have planned,” he said with a smile. “Work now and I’ll let you leave at noon.” The girls looked at each other before jumping up and putting on their aprons. Francis rolled his eyes. “I have a few errands to run, but I trust you to be able to run the place while I’m gone,” he said as he opened the door and left.

“How much longer do you think this place can stay open?” Alice asked as she made a pot of coffee. “I mean I haven’t seen the books or anything, but we only get a customer or two a day. I don’t know how he’s managed to keep the place afloat this whole time.” Violet sat on the countertop.

“I’m not going to ask questions as long as he can pay me I’ll stay,” she said.

“Get off of there. Now, I’ll have to wash that again.” She hit Violet playful. Violet jumped off of the counter and leaned over it instead.

“You never told me what you want to do tonight, and I guess now this afternoon since Francis is letting us leave early.”

“I’m up for anything. So how about you plan something and surprise me?” Alice said.

“I can do that,” Violet said with a smile as she watched Alice wipe off the counter. The bell above the door rang as it opened. “Those errands didn’t take very long, Francis.”

“Millacra, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Violet stiffened at the voice.

“Ma’am, I’m afraid you must be mistaken. Her name is Violet,” Alice said.

“I know my daughter. Millacra, turn around,” the voice commanded. Violet turned to face her.

“Daughter? Violet, what’s going on?” Alice asked.

“Yes, daughter. She ran away a few years ago, and I’ve been looking for her ever since,” the woman said. “Tell her.”

“Ran away? You kicked me out. You didn’t want me in your family anymore,” Violet spat out. “Yes, Alice, meet my mother.”

“You said your parents were dead.”

“Fine, meet my adoptive mother who stopped caring about me a long time ago.”

“Millacra, darling, that’s not true,” Mother said, stepping closer to the counter. “I have always cared.” She reached out a hand and touched Violet’s shoulder. Violet recoiled from the touch. “Alice, was it? Would you be a dear and let me talk to my daughter in private, please?”

“Um yeah, sure. Vi, I’ll be in the back if you need me,” Alice said before she disappeared into the back room.

“So, you’re going by Violet now? How appropriate,” Mother started.

“What do you want?”

“I’ve been looking for you ever since the war,” she said in a whisper. 

“If you’ve been looking since then it took you long enough to find me.”

“Imagine my surprise to find you in Paris.”

“I’ll ask again. What do you want?” Violet asked.

“Always one to get right to the point weren’t you, Millacra,” Mother sighed. “I believe that you have learned your lesson and am here to bring you back to Styria.” Violet closed her eyes as her mother brushed a hand to her cheek. “You’ll come with me, won’t you, darling?”

“I’m doing just fine on my own, Mother,” she said, her voice shaking.

“I know you are, but I also know that you would hate for anything to happen to another of your pets.”

“Don’t you dare touch Alice,” Violet said, her eyes shooting open.

“Then you will come with me. You are needed in Styria,” Mother commanded. Violet stepped away from the counter and untied her apron. “Good. Let’s go.”

“Wait,” Violet said. She grabbed her book and a napkin.

_I’m sorry, love. It’s for the best._

She placed the napkin at sonnet 87 and left the book on the counter before turning and following her mother out of the café.

_Farewell, thou art too dear for my possessing,_  
_And like enough thou know’st thy estimate._  
_The charter of thy worth gives thee releasing;_  
_My bonds in thee are all determinate._  
_For how do I hold thee but by thy granting,_  
_And for that riches where is my deserving?_  
_The cause of this fair gift in me is wanting,_  
_And so my patent back again is swerving._  
_Thyself thou gav’st, thy own worth then not knowing,_  
_Or me, to whom thou gav’st it, else mistaking;_  
_So thy great gift, upon misprision growing,_  
_Comes home again, on better judgment making._  
_Thus have I had thee as a dream doth flatter:_  
_In sleep a king, but waking no such matter._


	5. Chapter 5

1994

Mircalla stood outside the door to Room 307. She pushed the door open and turned on the light to find an empty room. She sighed in relief when she remembered that Mother was letting her move in the night before move-in day. She looked around the bare room before placing her army duffel bag on the bed nearest the kitchen. 

She opened her bag began to unpack her things. She lined the headboard of her bed with candles. She opened the small fridge and fought the smile that attempted to cross her face when she saw the two soy milk cartons that were waiting for her.

“Damn it. A little bit of blood doesn’t change the fact that you hate her,” Mircalla murmured. She slammed the door to the fridge and pulled the lighter from her pocket. She began lighting the candles. She turned off the light after lighting the last candle and sat on the counter of the small kitchen. She gazed out at the stars, watching the reflection of the candles flicker in the window. Her eyes darted to the door as it creaked open. “God, it’s been over a hundred years, and you still sound like a herd of elephants,” she said as Will shut the door behind him.

“We can’t all be as graceful as you, Kitty,” Will said as he sat on the other bed. “Did Mother tell you anything about your target?”

“Would you please call me by my name? It’s Mircalla. It isn’t that difficult to remember,” she said as she slid off the counter and walked to her bed. “And you know she never tells us anything about these girls, just the names.” 

“And you know that I hate you always changing your name,” Will replied. She dug through her bag, found the books that were at the bottom, and began to put them in shelf of her headboard. “Do you know if the targets are always girls?”

“Will, I know as much about all of this as you do.” She watched as Will stood and crossed the room and opened the fridge. He took out a carton. She stood as he took a drink. “Gross. Go get your own,” she said as she took the carton from him.

“I don’t have any yet. I have to wait for student health services to open in a few days,” he said as he grabbed the carton back. 

“You mean she didn’t leave you any?”

“Nope. You’ve always been her favorite.” He took another drink.

“It’s never felt like it,” she said, closing the fridge.

“She always makes sure you are taken care. Don’t you see that?” Will asked. 

“Yeah, well, burying me in a coffin full of blood didn’t make it seem like she did, so forgive me for not being able to see that a couple of cartons of blood as her saying I’m her favorite,” Mircalla said, pacing the floor.

“She was going to come back for you. _I wonder if my glittering girl has learned her lesson_ ,” Will said, imitating Mother. She stopped pacing. “She could have killed you. There have been so many times she could have, yet she keeps you alive. Why?” She looked at the ground.

“I’m her only daughter,” she replied.

“Turning another girl would have been easier than finding you though. After the war she went back to where you were buried. She made us search the world over for you, Millacra,” He sighed. “I mean Mircalla. Why not just turn someone else?”

“I was her first,” Mircalla said.

“Oh, I had no idea. All these years and you never thought to tell me that?”

“Well, it didn't seem important.”

“Your definition of important is slightly different. Eight years she looked for you. She went to America first.”

“Why would I go there?”

“She thought that since that’s where you were running off to when—”

“There’s nothing there that I want to see,” Mircalla said. She sat on the floor with her back against the wardrobe. “It was supposed to be my chance at freedom.”

“So you’ve told me. When are you going to let it go? She was just another girl, remember? Just like all those others that you could never remember later,” Will said. “I don’t understand this hold that girl has over you.”

“Her name was Ell. Can’t you remember that just one time when we talk? Just one time,” Mircalla said. She shook her head. “It’s stupid. And I wish more than anything that I could forget her.”

“Then do it. You’ve forgotten tons of girls in the past. What made her different?” Will asked as he sat beside her. “You know you can talk to me.”

“Like hell I can. You buried me in blood! In her blood!” Mircalla said, shoving Will away from her. “We could have fought her together. Then Ell wouldn’t have had to die. Don’t you get that?” she asked. She turned from him to wipe the tears from her eyes. “She wasn’t supposed to die.”

“Mircalla, what are you not telling me? Please. I’ve apologized for that. I didn’t realize what Mother was going to do,” he started.

“That’s bullshit, and you know it. You knew she was going to kill Ell. ‘Mortals die every day.’ Do you remember saying that?”

“That was over a hundred years ago. You have to move past it.”

“What was his name?” she asked.

“What was whose name?”

“Your soulmate,” she said as she turned back to look at him with drier eyes. “What was his name?”

“Oh,” he said. He looked toward the ceiling and took a deep breath. “His name was John. Why do you ask?”

“That was over a hundred years ago, yet you still remember,” Mircalla replied. Will looked back at her.

“But he was my soul… Oh, are you saying that—”

“I had words. They appeared that night Mother locked you in the cage,” Mircalla began, tears stinging her eyes. “I had words and she said them, Will. Ell said them that night.” Will shook his head.

“What were they?” Will asked.

“You were there. You heard her.”

“But I don’t remember every detail,” he confessed.

“You are a monster. The last thing I ever heard her say was ‘you are a monster.’ And, Will, you didn’t see her when I said ‘I’m so sorry.’ She knew, Will. I’m sure those were her words. They had to be.” She didn’t try to hide the tears that were now freely falling down her face.

“If those were your words then it was inevitable, but I’m sorry that it had to be that way,” Will said as he stood. “I’ll leave you be for the night.” He went to leave.

“You can take that carton of blood. I don’t want to drink after you,” Mircalla said as she drew her knees to her chest. Will gave her a small smile before taking the carton and walking out of the room, closing the door behind him. Mircalla put her face in her knees and cried. 

***

“Mircalla, I know I asked you to clean your hair out of the shower drain, but that didn’t mean to start putting the clumps of hair on the shower wall,” the girl’s voice echoed from the bathroom. Mircalla smiled from where she lounged on her bed. “And there’s still hair in the shower drain.”

_3\. 2. 1._

“Oh my god! You let that redhead use our shower?! She has her own room!”

“Well, she wasn’t alone in there,” Mircalla fabricated.

“That is just gross,” the girl said as she stormed out of the bathroom. Her blonde hair bobbed in the bun on her head. “Gross. Gross. Gross. If you are going to be letting some girl you just met use our shower, then you’re going to be the one cleaning it because that is just gross.” The girl walked over to the kitchenette. “I’ll do the dishes.” She picked up a glass.

“Oh, no, Tiffany. That wasn’t the deal. You clean the bathroom, and I clean the dishes,” Mircalla said as she stood up and walked to the sink. She grabbed the glass Tiffany was hold. “I’ll promise to clean the shower this time and never let anyone else use the shower. Just don’t touch the dishes.”

“Ok, I won’t. Just please remember that we have to share this room.”

“Yeah, I’ll do that,” she replied as she set the glass back in the sink. Tiffany walked to her desk and sat down. She opened a book and groaned.

“Do you know anything about philosophy? These stupid required classes.”

“I know a little philosophy, but I haven’t studied it in-depth. I mean I’m a history major,” Mircalla said. 

“And from what I hear you could basically teach the classes you’re in,” Tiffany said. “I have a friend who’s in a lecture with you. Some seminar that talks about the history of Shakespeare or something. I don’t remember exactly, but it sounded more like an English class than History.”

“Ah, Shakespeare and the Interpretation of History. Yeah, the professor for that one wasn’t very well chosen. Professor Baldwin knows history, but Shakespeare tends to elude him,” Mircalla replied. “He just needs a little bit of research, and he would do wonderfully.”

“You say that every class, don’t you?”

“And yet he never researches.”

“Well, maybe he can never get into the library because it closes when it gets dark,” Tiffany said, turning to look at the window. “Which is why I can’t go do any research for this stupid philosophy paper now.” Mircalla sat on her bed and looked through her books.

“What philosopher are you writing on?”

“We have a list and can pick whichever one we want.” Tiffany looked over at her. “Why?”

I still have some of my philosophy books from when I took that intro class. If I can find them you are more than welcome to use them to get a start until you can get to the library, Mircalla said. “When is your paper due?” Tiffany turned back to the scattered mess of papers on her desk.

“It might be due tomorrow.”

“And it’s your eight o’clock, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, I’m so screwed. This paper is forty percent of our grade,” Tiffany said as her head hit the desk. “Mircalla, what am I going to do?”

“Start doing your homework earlier in the day?” she suggested as she set a small stack of books on the desk by Tiffany’s head.

“I’ve never failed a class in my life.”

“Well, there’s a first time for everything,” Mircalla said, sitting back on her bed.

“Mircalla,” Tiffany groaned.

“I could tell you how to sneak into the library.”

***

Mircalla was stretched out across her bed reading when she started scratching her hip. She put her book down and dug her nails into her hip. “Damn it. I haven’t itched like this since,” she muttered. “Oh no.” She pulled her pajama pants down an inch. “No,” she gasped. She stared at the light red marks that swirled across her hip under the bright red lines from her nails.

She ran out the door to her room and out across campus. She made her way through the forest until she was standing at the small lake. She waited. She heard the twigs snapping behind her. “What are you doing her, Mircalla?” Will asked as he stepped up beside her. “I thought you’d be enjoying your nice quiet room since your roommate’s still at student health services.”

“I needed to talk to you,” she said, looking at him. She scratched at her hip.

“You? Need to talk to me?”

“Yes. Just shut up and listen. Remember back a couple of months ago during move-in day when we had a little talk?” Mircalla said, still scratching her hip. “About words?”

“Yeah, I remember. Are you ok? Do you have fleas?” he asked when he noticed her scratching. “I thought Mother bought you that new flea shampoo or something.”

“Just because I’m a large cat doesn’t mean that anytime I scratch it’s automatically fleas. It’s not fleas. It’s what I need to talk to you about,” she replied. “Promise you won’t tell anyone. Especially not Mother.”

“Of course.” Mircalla looked around them to make sure they were alone before she pulled the side of her pants down enough to show him the swirling red lines. “Whoa, wicked looking rash,” Will said as he looked at the place. “But why not just tell Mother? She could get you some medicine. Maybe you can share a room with your roommate.”

“Because it’s not a rash. I’ve had this before,” Mircalla said, pulling the side of her pants back up. “I had it once before.” Will looked at her for a moment.

“When you got the words?”

“Can you even have two sets of words?” Mircalla said as she started pacing. “How is this even possible?”

“You’re still alive, so I guess anything’s possible,” Will said, watching her. “Would you stop pacing?” Mircalla stopped.

“I don’t know what to do about this. It was hard enough the first time.”

“Maybe you should talk to Mother. She might know more about this.”

“Will, you know I can’t tell Mother. I don’t know what she’d do, but if she found out I have a soulmate I’m sure it wouldn’t be good. I mean last time I was buried covered in blood and she didn’t even know about the words,” Mircalla said.

“Right,” Will said. She began scratching again. “Plus Mother has a few questions for you.”

“Like what?”

“Oh, like how your roommate ended up at student health when she had been in the library after dark, how she got to be in the library after dark. Things like that.”

“Was I supposed to just let the library eat her?” Mircalla asked as she tried to stop scratching.

“It’s not like it hasn’t done it before,” Will said. Mircalla looked at him. “Right, you weren’t there that year. Some kid got sucked into the library.”

“What in the world is wrong with this place?”

“It’s run by a vampire. Of course things are going to be a little odd, but that’s beside the point. You need to get something for that or Mother will find out anyway.”

“Good thinking. I’ll get something tomorrow. I should get back to the dorm.” Mircalla turned to leave. She stopped. “How is she?”

“Still out. They’ve talked to her family. They’re own their way here to take her home when she wakes up. What book hit her?” he asked.

“ _The Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe_ ,” she replied.

“Oh, the hard stuff. Well, go back to the dorm. Unless you’re up for a hunt.”

“I’ll see you around. Remember not the tell Mother,” Mircalla said. She ran from the woods all the way back to the dorm. 

She entered Room 307 and locked the door behind her. She walked over to her bed and pulled a book from the shelf. “It can’t be possible for someone to have more than one set of words. I’ve read this thing over and over. It says nothing about having more than one soulmate.” She threw the book on the ground. “This can’t happen again.”

***

“I can’t believe that the books in the library can become airborne,” Tiffany said as she shoved her clothes into her suitcase. “What kind of school is this anyway?”

_The kind that’s run by a vampire_ , Mircalla thought as she sat on her bed reading.

“And now they’re kicking me out. Can you believe this?”

“Well, you shouldn’t have been in the library after dark. Especially alone.”

“Oh, I shouldn’t have been there. After dark. Alone,” Tiffany said as she went into the bathroom. “You’re the one who told me how to get in at night.”

“I never said to actually sneak in. You could have been killed, so being kicked out shouldn’t seem that bad,” Mircalla said without looking up from the page.

“I should have never listened to you. Was it your plan to get me kicked out?” Tiffany asked. Mircalla continued to read until the book was pulled out of her hands and thrown across the room. “Well, was it?”

“No. I thought you were smart enough to know not to go in there at night. I thought you had heard all the stories,” Mircalla said, looking the other girl in the eyes.

“You knew I had that paper due. You knew I needed I couldn’t fail that class.”

“Failing would have been your better option there, Tiff,” she said as she stood up and retrieved her book. “And if you touch my book again, your hand comes off at the wrist.” She stretched back out on her bed and opened the book. “And I’m only about half kidding about that.” Tiffany let out a frustrated scream.

“You think this is so funny. I won’t be able to get in anywhere because I’ve been expelled from here. This weird school in the middle-of-nowhere Styria that has a library that tries to kill people at night.” Tiffany fell onto her bed.

“There’s rumor that it eat one kid.” Tiffany turned her head to the side and looked at Mircalla. “Yeah. 1874, he was never seen again.”

“You don’t really believe that, do you?”

“Well, did you believe that the books in the library could become airborne and try to kill you?” Tiffany shook her head. “Do you now?”

“Yes.”

“There you go. I’ve been here a couple of years; I’ve seen some weird shit around here in that time.” Mircalla set her book back on the shelf. “Books flying in the library. Some strange creatures in the woods. Also a place you do not want to be at night. And whatever the hell the Alchemy Club has decided to do on any given day. Be glad you’re getting out now.”

“Didn’t you hear what I said? No school will take me after an expulsion,” Tiffany said.

“I’m sure the Dean will have mercy on you. She can make it seem like you were never here,” Mircalla said. “I’m in pretty good with her. I could see if I could out the bug in her ear, if you’d like?”

“You really think she’d do that?” Tiffany asked as she sat up.

“I’m sure she would. You just might have to promise not to say anything about nearly being killed by flying literature or anything else strange that you’ve seen,” Mircalla began. “If you can promise that then I’m sure that the Dean will even give you a recommendation, saying you worked here during the summer or something.”

“I don’t know that seems really dishonest, and I don’t know if I can lie like that.”

“Well, it’s your only shot at getting in anywhere. You know how impossible it’d be to get into a college with this kind of blemish on your record.”

“Fine, I’ll do it, but don’t think this means I’m not still furious with you. You’re the reason I’m in this mess to begin with. I’m going to take a quick shower before my parents get here,” Tiffany said as she walked into the bathroom. 

The door to the bathroom shut. She heard the shower turn on. “Yes, but at least you’re alive,” Mircalla whispered.

“Oh my god! You’re still putting your hair on the shower wall!”

Mircalla smiled to herself and picked up her book.

***

1995

Mircalla looked out at the ruins of the Castle of Karnstein. She had tried to preserve it after the last of the family had moved away, but no one was interested in the Karnsteins’ history—except for the legend of the daughter who disappeared at a ball in 1698. That story always attracted a few people, but they never stayed long. All they really wanted was to see if they could contact some spirits or something to try and solve the mystery of a girl who disappeared centuries ago. She felt someone standing behind.

“Is this where you always go after Silas?” Mother asked as she stepped up beside her. “It doesn’t do to dwell on the past. I thought I taught you that.”

“You did, Mother. I just wish I could have kept it up better. It’s awful seeing the place I grew up in ruins.”

“You should stop coming here. It does nothing but remind you of times that you can’t go back to.”

“I know, but I figure once every twenty years won’t hurt too much. Or not as much as it did in the beginning anyway,” Mircalla said. “I watched my parents bury an empty coffin years after I disappeared. They couldn’t even bury their daughter.” She turned to the woman standing beside her. “Can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.”

“Why did you turn me?”

“Mircalla, dear, you were so young and had so much life ahead of you. I couldn’t let you die,” Mother replied as she put an arm around Mircalla’s shoulders. “I was at that ball for a hunt when I saw that man kill you. I did what I could to let you live. Would you have rather died?”

“No, no. I am grateful for all that I’ve lived to see. I just can’t help but think about Mama and Papa dying without any closure. No body to bury.”

“If it’s any consolation they never found that man’s body either.”

“Thank you,” Mircalla said.

“You can thank me by not scaring away any targets for the next sacrifice,” Mother said as she lifted her arm off of Mircalla’s shoulders. “Yes, I know what you’re trying to do, but it won’t work. We cannot have any more threats to the sacrifice.”

“Yes, Mother.”

“Now, come on back. We can go on a hunt. It’s such a nice summer night.”

“I’ll join you shortly. I always make sure to visit them when I’m here,” Mircalla said as she started to walk off toward the cemetery.

“Mircalla, you should really stop doing this to yourself.” She stopped.

“I’m already here. This will be the last time I promise. Start the hunt, I will shift and be along shortly.”

“This is the last time. From now on you accompany me back to the house when we leave Silas.”

“Of course, Mother,” Mircalla said. She watched Mother leave before she turned and continued her walk to the cemetery that stretched out near the ruins. She looked at the worn names as she passed through the rows of weathered stones until she came to the stones that she knew bore her parents’ names, though she could no longer read them.

“I really need to talk to you, Mama. I don’t know what to do,” she said as she sat at the foot of the graves. “Words are starting to form again, and I can’t handle that again. I can’t watch someone else I care about die. You’d know what to do if you were here.”

“I wish I could have died that night. I wish I would have never known what it was like to have words. I don’t want them again.” She got on her knees and looked at the headstones. “Mother, won’t let me come back anymore. But maybe that’s for the best.” She stood up. Mircalla screamed in pain as her hands touched her hip. The burning pain increased. “Please, no. Not now,” she cried as she pulled down the top of her pants to see the red bumps turning brighter and becoming clearer. The words appeared and tears rolled down her cheeks. “No,” Mircalla sobbed, looking at the burning red letters on her skin.

_You know._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that Carmilla is thinking is "I'm Kissing You" by Des'Ree

2014

“Worst. Crush. Ever,” Laura’s strained voice said from the other side of the bathroom door.

_No kidding,_ Carmilla thought as she turned on the water to the sink. _Did you really just waltz with her? And then she yawns for a second and you offered up your bed. Offered to sleep in the floor._ She washed her face and brushed her teeth. _Not that you sleep much at night anyway._ She shook her head. _Pull yourself together, Karnstein._ She opened the door to find Laura laying over on the bed.

“Laura,” she said. Laura raised her head and looked over at her. “Get in the bed. You are perfectly aware that I don’t need it at night.”

“Right. The whole vampire thing,” Laura said, sitting up. Carmilla watched as she laid back down with her head on the shirt-covered pillow. “I’m really not that tired, Carmilla. I’d much rather,” she yawned again. “I’d much rather be trying to find LaFontaine.” They both looked over at Perry, who was sleeping on Laura’s bed. “It’s my fault,” Laura said as tears began to streak her face. “God, it’s all my fault.” Carmilla walked up to her and pulled the covers up over Laura.

“Cupcake,” she began. Laura closed her eyes. “We went over this before. None of this is your fault. Now, get some sleep. I’ll be back before sunrise, ok?” Laura nodded. Carmilla walked to the door and opened it.

“I know this isn’t my fault, but it doesn’t stop it from feeling like it is. You know?”

“Yeah, Cupcake, I know,” Carmilla said as she stepped into the hallway and shut the door. _You know? Could that have been it?_ Carmilla thought as she ran to the forest. _No, Mother isn’t looking for her anymore._ She looked around before undressing, hiding her clothes in a tree, and shifting. 

She ran through the woods, trying to allow the animal instincts in her to take over. But she still felt Laura’s hand clasped onto hers. Still felt Laura’s hand resting on her shoulder. Couldn’t shake the way her own hand fit perfectly into Laura’s lower back.

She could smell animal blood, but she couldn’t place the animal’s scent. Her thoughts distracted by how elegant Laura looked spinning away from her. How Laura stepped back into her, keeping their fingers locked together.

_But watching stars without you, my soul cried._

_Not this song_ , Carmilla thought, shaking her head. A growl escaped her throat.

_Touch me deep. Pure and true._

She growled and turned back toward the school. She ran back to the tree, gathering her clothes in her mouth before running back to the dorm. She stayed in her panther form, bounding up the stairs to Room 307.

_Gift to me forever._

_She could never give me forever,_ Carmilla thought as she used her nose nudge open the door, thankful--for once-- that they never locked the door. She trotted into the room, turning to close the door with her head. It clicked closed, and she looked back at the two sleeping forms. She huffed and walked slowly over to the side of her bed.

The large panther stretched out beside the bed. She kept watch at the door, her head raising up at each howling of the wind. She stood up and her back arched when she heard the door to the stairwell open. Carmilla felt the hairs on her back stand up as she stepped toward the door. She relaxed when she heard the drunken giggles of the girl across the hall. _At least she’s alone tonight,_ she thought as she backed up to the side of the bed again. She looked at Laura to make sure that she was still asleep before curling up near the bed still watching the door.

Carmilla watched the door for the rest of the night. Her head only turning a couple of times when she saw a shadow move across the window. She caught a glimpse of the moon disappearing over the woods, so she checked the clock on Laura’s desk. 4:32. She picked up her clothes from the night before in her mouth and padded into the bathroom. 

Carmilla stretched out her back before shifting again. She dressed and walked back into the dorm room, stretched out on her back on the floor in between the two beds. She closed her eyes still listening to the sounds outside the room. She opened an eye a little when she heard rustling from Laura’s side of the room. Carmilla watched as Perry frantically looked around for a few seconds.

“Brownies. Su.. LaFontaine loves brownies. I should go make some,” Perry said as she stood and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. Carmilla smiled as she settled into the floor and fell asleep.

***

“How did it feel?” Will asked, nudging the panther that was curled up on the forest floor. Carmilla growled at him before she ran off to the tree that held her clothes. She shifted and dressed. She heard him walking behind her. “How did it feel to hear Mother’s words coming from your soulmate?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Carmilla said as she walked past him, hitting his shoulder with hers.

“Sure you do. You remember Mother possessing your little pet.” Carmilla spun to face him. “I mean Laura. So, how did it feel to hear Mother’s words coming from your soulmate again?”

“What do you mean ‘again’?” Carmilla asked, taking a step forward.

“Don’t you think this little spitfire of a girl that Mother gave you for a target is your soulmate?”

“But what did you mean by again?” she said as she got closer.

“I thought you knew,” Will said as he tried to take a step back. Carmilla grabbed him by his shirt collar.

“Just tell me what you meant, damn it.” Carmilla felt her fangs extend as she watched a smile form on Will’s face.

“You didn’t think that Ell came up with all the things she said that night, did you?” Carmilla tightened her grip on his shirt and bore her fangs. “ _Stone cannot love flesh._ Mother told her that.”

“Why did Mother talk with Ell?” she asked as she threw him and pinned him to the ground.

“I could get out of this,” he said as he struggled underneath her. “It wouldn’t take much at all for me to flip us.” Carmilla moved her hand to his neck.

“William!” she said, her hand tightening around his throat. He laughed.

“We could be here awhile,” he said with a smirk. “I don’t need to breathe.”

“Not trying to strangle you, idiot. I’m going to remove your head from your shoulders if you don’t answer me. Now!” she snarled, showing her fangs again.

“She was worried that you wouldn’t have Ell ready for when she needed her after I told her about you using her name, so she went to talk to her,” he answered in a panic.

“Everything that happened was your fault. You should have kept your mouth shut, you little shit, but you just had to run and tell Mother. And I’m sure that you’ll just go running to her if I let you go now, so unless you can convince me otherwise I still might decapitate you.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Try me,” she spat. “You’ve been nothing but trouble since Mother turned you.”

“I could just shift and—“

“Yet you haven’t. So why shouldn’t I just kill you?”

“Because if Mother gets angry over a lost target, think of how furious she’d be over a dead child,” Will said as he began to struggle.

“Not good enough,” Carmilla said. “I’ve watched her kill plenty of her children. I’m sure you have too.”

“The sacrifice is tonight.”

“The new moon. I know.”

“She said she needs my help.” He smiled. “Who’s the favorite now?”

“You still aren’t being very convincing.”

“Listen, do whatever it takes to keep Laura safe and I won’t speak a word of this to Mother,” Will said. Carmilla removed her hand from his neck.

“I thought Mother had her five? Laura should be safe,” she said. “She just has to stay in her room until the night’s over.” Will looked at her and shook his head.

“Do you really think Lauronica Mars will do that? Now, let me go or Mother will worry.” She stood up, and Will ran off.

_No, of course she won’t stay in the room,_ Carmilla thought as she ran off toward the dorm. _Please let her still be there._

***

Carmilla had ran all the way to the seaside. She couldn’t shake the image of Laura going off to certain doom from her head. _You know._ There was no mistaking it this time; she would never hear Laura speak again. She dove into the water and down the face of the cliff. _And, Carmilla, if you’re watching this then… You know,_ she heard Laura say again.

_Yeah, Cupcake, I know,_ Carmilla thought as she continued down into the water. _I just hope you knew._ She found the underwater cavern about a thousand feet below sea level, right where JP had said it would be. She entered the cavern and found the sword sealed into the side of it, right where the book had said it would be. She quickly swam back to the surface and made it back to the shore. Then she shifted with the sword in her mouth and ran as fast as she could all the way back to Silas and to the basement of the Lustig Building, certain that she was already too late to save Laura.

She bounded down the stairs to the basement and dropped the sword when she saw everyone walking toward this bright light that was rising from a pit in the center of the room, and there was Laura in the front of the crowd. Carmilla grabbed the scruff of Laura’s neck in her mouth and pulled her back from the edge of the pit. She shifted, her clothes had become slightly tattered during the shift, but nothing like they had during previous shifts.

Carmilla grabbed the sword in her hand, and she heard Mother screech. She turned in time to see her mother shift. She fought the crow off until she turned back into a woman. She used the hilt of the sword to hit the woman’s face, the years of anger finally boiling over. She watched as the woman she had called ‘mother’ for over three hundred years fell into the pit of light. The light was everywhere by then, and Carmilla began to see the figures in the light, reaching out for them. She recognized many of the faces, but the she could not think of the names. 

Then she saw her. Ell. And she was reaching to Carmilla from the light. Carmilla looked at the ghost of the first girl she had ever loved and tears started streaking her face. She turned to see Laura watching her. “Y’know, I really am starting to hate this heroic vampire crap,” she said. And then she took the sword and leapt straight into the heart of the light.

***

“I should have died in that pit,” Carmilla said as she sat back down on Laura’s bed. Laura sat beside her with a hand on her back.

No, you shouldn’t have, and you didn’t. I’m so glad you didn’t,” Laura said, hugging her. “Carmilla, I thought I’d lost you.” Laura looked across the room, letting her arms fall away from Carmilla. “I thought I had been wrong,” she said in a whisper. 

“Thought you were wrong about what?” Carmilla asked. She watched as Laura stood and paced in front of her. “Laura.” She stopped but didn’t face Carmilla.

“This is going to sound really stupid, and I’m still not even sure if I believe in this stuff, but I watched the words fade from my dad’s arm the die my mom died. And I’m sure that you think it’s stupid and probably don’t even have words,” Laura rambled.

“Cupcake,” Carmilla said.

“And see? It was that that made me start to believe it. LaFountaine and Perry seem to be certain that they’re soulmates, and their words make sense,” Laura said. “Mine have never made sense.”

“Is there a point somewhere in this rambling?” Carmilla asked.

“I thought you could be my soulmate. God, that must sound so stupid to you,” Laura said as she slumped onto the stool by the window. Carmilla stood and walked over to her.

“Why wouldn’t I believe in soulmates?” she asked, lifting Laura’s chin with her fingers.

“Maybe because you’re a vampire who’s lived long enough to learn the truth behind the words? I don’t know. But it was stupid for me to think that, wasn’t it? You can’t be my soulmate, right?” Carmilla walked to the shelf at the head of her bed. She scowled.

“Where are my books?” she asked. “Where are all my things?”

“Betty’s back, but I packed all of your things in your duffel bag. It’s under my bed,” Laura replied, pointing to her side of the room. Carmilla drug the bag out and began to rummage through it. “What are you looking for?” Carmilla pulled a book from the bag.

“This. You think that I don’t believe in soulmates because I’ve ‘lived long enough to learn,’ but what you don’t realize is that I’ve lived long enough to learn that they are all too real.” Carmilla paused as her words sank in for Laura.

“Ell.”

“Yes, Ell. So one of the first things I did after I was unearthed from that coffin was buy this book.” She tossed the book to Laura. “I wanted to learn whatever I could about the words.”

“You never said that Ell was your soulmate,” Laura said as she turned the book over in her hands.

“It wasn’t that important,” Carmilla replied.

“Of course it’s important, Carmilla. Your soulmate betrayed you to your evil mother. That’s just awful.”

“Let me finish telling you why it’s not stupid that you thought we could be soulmates,” Carmilla said. She looked at Laura who nodded. “Ok, so that book has been pretty informative over the years. That is until about twenty years ago when it couldn’t tell me why I had another set of words appearing.”

“New words?”

“Yes,” Carmilla replied. She pulled down the top of her pants enough for Laura to see the _You know_ that was written on her hip. “This is why I thought I was supposed to die in that pit.”

“But the last thing you heard me say was—“ Laura began.

“ _And, Carmilla, if you’re watching this then… You know,_ ” Carmilla said, imitating Laura.

“You watched that,” Laura asked sheepishly. “So you thought that when I said ‘you know’ it meant that I was going to die fighting your mother?”

“Well, yes. But when I saw that you were still alive when I got to the battle I thought that maybe it meant I was supposed to die.”

“So you think we’re soulmates?” Laura asked as she stood and walked back to Carmilla.

“Yeah, and I was scared that I had lost you just like I lost Ell,” Carmilla said. “I didn’t want that to happen again. And I’ve never seen your words. I just felt it. I haven’t felt like this since Ell.” She looked up when she felt Laura grasp her hand.

“Carmilla, as epic as _‘y’know, I really am starting to hate this heroic vampire crap’_ was, that’s definitely not my words,” Laura said with a chuckle. She pulled up her shirt and written over her ribs was _I know cupcake_.

***

2015 

Carmilla spread out a blanket and pillows on the roof of the dorm while Perry and LaFontaine helped by setting up a picnic basket up on a small table that they had carried up there that afternoon. “Thanks for the help,” she said. “I may be over three hundred years old, but I never needed to learn to cook.”

“I still don’t see why you couldn’t have just made some peanut butter sandwiches with cookies and hot chocolate for dessert,” LaFontaine said. Perry hit their shoulder.

“Because some of us are weird about Laura’s sugar intake,” Perry said. “Unlike others who seem to only want to be an enabler.”

“Oh, come on, Perr, a little bit of peanut butter and cookies won’t hurt anyone.”

“No, a little bit wouldn’t, but added to her diet of well that all the time. I just wanted to do something nice for her,” Carmilla said as she ushered the others toward the stairs. “And, Perry, thanks again for letting us up here. I wanted to show her the stars.

“No problem,” Perry replied. 

“Do you want us to send her up?” LaFontaine asked.

“No, I’ll be picking her up at the door like the gentlewoman I am,” Carmilla said. “Besides we share a room and I need to change into something a little more fitting for this date.”

“Right, well, good luck. LaFontaine, we should get going.” The two disappeared down the stairs. Carmilla took one last look at everything before following them. She walked to Room 307 where she knocked and waited.

“It’s open,” Laura’s voice called from the other side of the door. Carmilla smiled and knocked again. “I said it’s open.”

“Would you just come open the door?” Carmilla finally said. She heard Laura step quickly to the door. The door opened and Laura stood before her in her pajamas.

“Carmilla, why couldn’t you open the door yourself?”

“Because I’m trying to be romantic. We have a date in fifteen minutes, so we should probably get dressed,” Carmilla said as she walked past Laura.

“Wait. What? Carmilla, you know I have a final to study for,” Laura started to protest.

“Which you know I will help you study. It’s just you haven’t left the room in a couple of days and all you’ve been doing is studying and working on papers. I thought you could use a break. You deserve it,” she replied. “Now, get dressed. Not too dressed up, but you can’t leave this room in the pajamas you’ve been wearing for three days.” She grabbed the clothes she had laid out on her bed before leaving earlier and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

“But,” Laura began.

“No buts, unless it’s yours getting off that computer chair and getting dressed.”

“How did you know?” Laura asked.

“There might be a door between us but I know you, Laura Hollis. You’re trying to get more of your paper done before we have to leave,” Carmilla said. She heard Laura’s huff through the door. “If you are not ready in thirteen minutes I will take Kirsch on this nice date I have planned.” She heard Laura scramble out of the chair and hurry to the wardrobe. “Though some of the later planned activities might get a little awkward.” She held back a laugh when she heard Laura run into one of the beds.

“Carmilla Karnstein, I swear if you take anyone else on this date you will wish you had died in that pit. The light demon will be more merciful than I will be,” Laura said angrily. Carmilla smiled and finished getting dressed. She knocked on the bathroom door.

“Is it safe for me to come out?”

“I thought you were already out,” Laura said smugly and Carmilla opened the door.

“Haha very funny,” she said as she walked into the room. “Wow.” She looked Laura over. She was wearing the black corset and black jeans.

“I hope you don’t mind me borrowing this,” Laura said, gesturing to the corset. “I apparently need to leave the dorm long enough tomorrow to do some laundry.” Carmilla walked over and laced their fingers together.

“I don’t mind at all. In fact I think it looks better on you.” She let go of Laura’s hand and slipped her arm around her waist. “Shall we get going?”

“Sure. I just wish you had given me time to shower or fix my hair. I probably look gross,” Laura said as Carmilla guided her out the door and to the stairs.

“Creampuff, you look fine. Better than fine. You look absolutely gorgeous.” Carmilla grabbed Laura’s hand to stop her from going down the stairs. “Tonight we’re going up.” She led Laura to the rooftop.

“Carmilla, this is amazing,” Laura said when she saw the table and the basket.

“It’s not much, but like I said you deserve a break,” Carmilla said. “And it might sound cheesy, but I thought maybe we could look at the stars.”

“That doesn’t sound cheesy at all. That’s really sweet actually.” Laura side-eyed Carmilla. “Ok, what supernatural thing of Silas has possessed you?”

“Love,” Carmilla replied. Laura pretended to gag.

“Ok, now you’re just being gross. So what is there to eat? Please tell me it’s a peanut butter and jelly sandwich,” Laura said as she peeked into the basket that was sitting on the table.

“I’m not actually sure what ginger twin #1 packed for you, but I can guarantee that it wasn’t that.”

“Why would you let Perry cook? She keeps trying to make me eat healthier,” Laura stated. “Oh what’s the blanket for?”

“For stargazing after you eat.”

“Is this my pillow?” she asked as she sat on the blanket it. Carmilla blushed. “How’d you manage to take this stuff from the room without me noticing?”

“You’ve been studying really hard. Now, please eat whatever it is that Perry packed, then we can look at the stars.” Carmilla watched as Laura stretched out on the blanket, her head on the yellow pillow.

“Can’t we look at the stars now?”

***

2017

“Carmilla, we’ve had this discussion before. I don’t want to be turned,” Laura said as she walked out of the living room. Carmilla followed.

“Laura, don’t you want forever with me?”

“Of course I do, but I can’t live that kind of forever. I’ve heard you talk about forgetting your family and the friends you had when you were human.”

“But, it does get easier.”

“You may not be able to tell anymore, but I can see the pain in your eyes when you talk about finding out that someone you knew died,” Laura said.

“The memory fades,” Carmilla said. “Please give me forever.”

“Carmilla, we both know that we can’t have forever. Even if I were turned something would happen and we would never see each other again.” Laura placed her hand on Carmilla’s.

“Just listen—“

“Honey, we’ve both read that book over and we’ve searched the internet. The words are inevitable. Something would eventually make us have to hear those words,” Laura responded. “I’m choosing to leave my life without being immortal. You know how much I love my dad and my friends. And I know that you love them too but hate to admit it.” Carmilla pulled her hand away.

“You don’t understand. Other people don’t know who will outlive the other. Perry and LaFontaine for example don’t know who will die first—if dying is what will forever separate them. But everyone knows who will die first in the two of us,” Carmilla said, a tear rolling down her cheek.

“Hey, hey. Don’t do this now. You know that I plan to stay human, why do you have to bring it up? It’s always the same old fight.” Laura stood up. “It seems like we have to have this fight every year.” Carmilla stood too. She walked over to Laura and hugged her.

“I’m sorry. It’s just I don’t know what to do. Mother and her minions are all gone. Will is dead. I lost Ell and my real family so many years ago.” She felt Laura’s arms wrap around her as she began to cry. “I’m so tired of losing people, and I can’t bear the thought of losing you too.”

“I’m sorry that it’s like this, and you know I would love to have forever with you. But I can’t do that. I’m almost finished at school and then I’ll be getting a job. I can’t stay twenty-two forever and except to move up in my career,” Laura said.

“I know. And I must seem so selfish to try and beg to let me turn you,” Carmilla said. She let go of Laura and pushed her away.

“For what it’s worth, I want to give you my forever,” Laura said. Carmilla tried to dry her eyes. She smiled a sad smile.

“That will have to do.”  
***

2019

“Laura, where the hell are we going?” Carmilla asked as she started to remove the blindfold. Laura swatted her hands down and stopped the car.

"No, keep that on until I say or I'll turn this car around and head right back to the apartment," Laura said. Carmilla put her hands in her lap, and the car started moving again. 

"You might as well. We've been driving around the same damn block of town for the last thirty minutes. I mean I know it's hard to find parking, but this is ridiculous."

"How did you know that?"

"Sweetheart, we keep passing by that awful Italian place on Main Street. The one that used way too much garlic," Carmilla said. "I may not be able to see, but I know you're making that adorable bunched up little face." Laura smacked her arm. "Hey, I just wanted a nice, relaxing evening at home with my girlfriend, who insisted that we go out instead."

"Fine, if staying at home is so important to you then I'll just take you back," Laura said. Carmilla felt a hand pull the blindfold down off of her eyes. She looked at Laura who was making that bunched up face.

"Laura, I just--" Carmilla began.

"What, Carmilla? You just can't let me try to do something romantic for you for once?!" Laura quickly turned onto their street. 

"No, Laura, that's not it at all."

"Then what is it?" Laura asked, slamming her hand on the steering wheel.

"Maybe I didn't feel like sharing you tonight!" Carmilla said as they pulled into the parking lot. 

"Oh. Oh!" Laura said. Carmilla got out of the car and stormed off. Her key was in the door before Laura got out of the car. "Carmilla, wait!" Carmilla opened the door. Her keys fell from her hand. 

"What happened in here?" Carmilla asked, looking at the flowers that covered every table in the apartment.

"If you give me a chance, I'll explain everything," Laura replied. 

"Who died? Did one of the Ginger Twins die? Not that I really care, but I know that it would be tragic for you."

"What? No. LaFontaine and Perry are fine. It's just--"

"Is something wrong with your dad and you didn't tell me?"

"Carmilla, would you stop freaking out for a minute and let me talk?" Laura asked. "I wanted to do something nice and be romantic, so I bought you flowers. But then I couldn't remember what your favorite flower was so I ended up buying a lot of flowers," she said, looking around at all of them. "Surprise." She gestured toward the flowers. 

"I don't have a favorite flower. But I do have a question though. Which of the Ginger Twins now has a key to our apartment?" Carmilla asked, pulling Laura into a hug. 

"Neither."

"Let me guess. Danny?"

"Yeah, she was the only one I could think of that wouldn't set fire to anything or try to clean everything in sight. And Kirsch would have been no help at the flower shop," Laura replied. Carmilla chuckled as she let go of Laura and walked through the garden that their apartment had been turned into.

"Xena. That explains this insulting bunch of flowers then.”

“What do you mean? These are all very nice flowers. They’re so pretty.”

“And so insulting,” Carmilla said. Laura huffed. “Creampuff, I thought that in the age of the internet I wouldn’t have to tell you that flowers actually have meanings.” She walked to the first vase that was on the small table by Laura. “Chrysanthemums can mean love and fidelity.” Laura smiled. “But they can also mean death.” Laura’s face fell. “I like to think that they mean long life though.”

“We just thought they were pretty,” Laura said.

“And they are. I’m just saying flowers speak to me, and this bunch is basically telling me you want to break up and that you hate me.” Carmilla walked on through the apartment. “Yellow carnations are rejection and striped ones are refusal. And the single daffodil hiding in there foretells misfortune.”

“Carmilla, I didn’t know any of this.”

“The bunch of anemone tells me of fading hope.”

“But roses mean love, right? And I have those, too,” Laura said, picking up the huge bouquet of roses and lilies that stood on the kitchen counter.

“Dark red roses are to symbolize mourning,” Carmilla said as she stepped back toward the door. “And stargazer lilies are for sympathy.”

“But it’s the thought that counts,” Laura said, setting down the bouquet. “You know?” Carmilla opened the door.

“I know, Cupcake,” she said as she shut the door behind her.


	7. Chapter 7

Carmilla stood outside the apartment. She couldn’t contain her laughter any longer; the look on Laura’s face when she had said that she was insulted by the flowers had been the funniest thing. _Of course it’s the thought that counts_ , she thought as she composed herself enough to casually lean against the wall by the door and waited for Laura to come outside.

Her smile disappeared and her brow furrowed when Laura didn’t open the door. She sighed. She pushed herself off the wall and opened the door. “You’ve watched enough movies to know you’re supposed to go after the girl,” Carmilla said. Laura turned to face her, tears in her eyes. “Hey, hey. Laura, what’s wrong?” She hurried into the apartment and stepped in front of Laura. She wrapped her arms around the smaller woman. Laura’s fists beat against her chest, and she let her go. “Laura?” Laura stepped away from her.

“No, you don’t get to ‘Laura’ me, you stupid vampire,” Laura shouted. “You don’t get to come back in here after saying I insulted you. And you certainly do not get to act like I was supposed to come after you after you said those words.” Laura still had tears running down her cheeks.

“What are you… oh. Laura, I didn’t even think about that.” Carmilla took a step toward Laura, who took another step back.

“No, I tried to do something important and romantic, and you rush out of here because you thought the flowers were insulting, and—“ Laura said still yelling.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Of course you weren’t thinking. You said those words, and I thought I’d never see you again.” Laura stepped back to the kitchen counter and pulled a small box out from behind the vase of roses and lilies. Carmilla walked over, looking at the box in Laura’s hands. Laura opened it, revealing the black diamond ring inside. “I was trying to be romantic, and you were just being a jerk.”

Carmilla took the box and looked at the ring. “It’s beautiful,” she said with a smile. Laura grabbed the box from her and closed it. “Did Danny help you pick that out too?”

“No. That was LaFontaine. They’re more help with the gemstones, and you can’t set fire to diamonds,” Laura answered as she walked into the living room. Carmilla followed her. They sat on the couch.

“So, I was a total jerk, and you were trying to propose,” Carmilla said. She went to put an arm around Laura. Laura moved to the other and of the couch.

“Yes. Now I’m mad at you and the moment’s gone.”

“How many times have we ever had a moment that wasn’t interrupted or ended in a fight?”

“Not very many, but that’s not the point damn it. I was trying to be romantic and you ruined it,” Laura said. “I was nervous enough before you started talking about the awful flower choices.”

“Look, I’m sorry, ok? It was really awful of me to talk so horribly about your flower choices. But why would you be nervous about proposing?”

“Are you serious? I don’t know maybe because it’s a big question, and we’ve never really talked about it since it always seemed to start the fight over forever.”

“Come here,” Carmilla said, holding her arms open. Laura frowned but scooted into Carmilla’s arms.

“I’m still mad at you,” Laura said as Carmilla hugged her.

“Well, that makes two of us,” she said. Laura looked up at her questioningly. “I found the ring last week when I was putting away some clothes you had folded. By the way, hiding it in your sock drawer? Really original.”

“Seriously? The one time you do any of the chores,” Laura groaned. “So, you knew that I was going to ask you? And you stayed?”

“Well, obviously I didn’t know when or I wouldn’t have been such a raging bad person.” Laura laughed. “And of course I stayed.” Laura pulled away from Carmilla. “How did you plan to ask?” Carmilla asked, looking around them. “Obviously it involved flowers.” Laura rolled her eyes and got up, pulling Carmilla with her.

“I’ll show you.” She led them to the counter that had the bouquet of roses. “Well, I was supposed to lead you in from the car. While you were still blindfolded of course.”

“Of course,” Carmilla said. Laura glared at her. “Sorry, continue.”

“Then when I got you to the middle of the room I was going to remove the blindfold so the first thing you’d have seen would be this bouquet.” She gestured to the roses and lilies. “I got the roses first, but the name stargazer lily made me think of you,” Laura said slightly blushing.

“Ok, so the blindfold is off and I’m looking at this beautiful bouquet. Wondering how my girlfriend got all these flowers in here while we were driving. Then what?” Carmilla asked. She watched as Laura shuffled from one foot to the other.

“I uh I had one of those sappy ‘will-you-marry-me’ speeches prepared.” Her fingers tapped the counter, and she looked Carmilla in the eyes. “Then I was just going to pray that you’d say yes.”

“Oh, there’s a speech? Let’s hear it.”

“No, it’s too sappy, and you’ll just laugh. Can we forget this ever happened and just watch some TV or something?” Laura asked. Carmilla stepped beside of Laura, put an arm around her shoulder, and kiss the top of her head.

“Sure thing, sundance.” Laura sighed in relief and wrapped her arms around Carmilla’s waist. “After you tell me the sappy speech.”

“Carmilla,” Laura whined.

“Humor me.” Laura released Carmilla and picked up the ring box from beside the flowers.

“You’re really going to make me do this, aren’t you?”

“You bet. I want to act it out with sock puppets later.”

“Haha, very funny. Anyway, I had Danny hide the ring box behind the flowers here. And I was going to tell you that—“

“No, Cupcake. I want word-for-word,” Carmilla said.

“Fine, just remember that you wanted this. Carmilla,” Laura began. “You are still a terrible roommate. Your hair is still always clogging the shower drain. And you still eat my food.”

“So far this doesn’t sound very sappy. Or much like a proposal either.”

“Shut up and let me finish,” Laura said. “Now, where was I?”

“You were saying that I eat your food.”

“Right. You still eat my food, but I can’t even being to imagine my life without you. And I know I can’t give you your forever, but,” she said, taking Carmilla’s hand in hers. Carmilla smiled at Laura’s sweaty palms. “I want to give you mine.” She opened the box to reveal the ring. “Carmilla Karnstein, will you marry me?” Laura finished. She snapped the box closed and let go of Carmilla’s hand. “There. It was dumb and—“

“Yes.”

“What?” Laura asked. Carmilla took her hand.

“I believe I was answering your question, Cupcake.”

***

Carmilla followed a squealing Laura across the walkway to LaFontaine and Perry’s apartment. Laura pushed through the door, and Carmilla heard two thuds from behind it.

“Geez, Hollis, you could knock,” Danny’s voice called from the other side of the door.

“Yeah, Frosh,” LaFontaine added. Laura shook her head and smiled. She grabbed Carmilla’s hand, pulling her into the apartment.

“I told you two not to stand right at the door,” Perry called from the kitchen. “You know we can hear Laura through these walls.” Carmilla laughed at the mortified look on Laura’s face.

“What? No, you can’t,” Laura said, the blush still on her cheeks.

“Oh, please, Laura. These walls are thinner than the old dorm,” LaFontaine said. “We can hear you—“

“Ok, that’s enough of that,” Laura interjected.

“I was just trying to say that—“

“Carmilla, let’s see that ring,” Danny said as Perry came out of the kitchen. Carmilla held up her left hand to show the ring that Laura had shakily placed on her finger just minutes before.

“Black. That’s fitting,” Danny said.

“Danny!” Perry scolded.

“What? It’ll match all of her clothes.”

“Well, I think it’s absolutely beautiful,” Perry commented. Carmilla put her hand back down at her side. “I was shocked when Laura told us that she planned to propose. We had always thought that would have been your thing.”

“No, she’s definitely the romantic of this relationship,” Carmilla replied, squeezing Laura’s hand that was still holding hers. “You should see all the flowers in our apartment,” she added with a chuckle.

“Oh, we have,” LaFontaine said.

“Where do you think Danny and I hid them this morning?” Laura asked.

“I started some hot cocoa,” Perry said. Laura’s eyes lit up. “Why don’t we move into the living room?”

“Yeah, come on in,” LaFontaine said, motioning everyone into the next room. “I’ll help Perr in the kitchen.” Carmilla and Laura sat on the loveseat. They smiled at each other as Laura’s fingers found the ring on Carmilla’s hand. Danny made a gagging noise.

“Something wrong, Xena?” Carmilla asked, looking over to where Danny sat.

“Just the fact that you two are disgustingly cute. You should really stop.” Carmilla saw the smile that Danny was trying to hide.

“Ok, who’s ready for some hot cocoa?” LaFontaine said. They were following Perry into the room, both carrying trays of steaming mugs. Laura took a mug from LaFontaine’s tray. LaFontaine held out the remaining mug to Carmilla. “I made this one for you,” they whispered. Carmilla looked into the mug. It was filled with thick blood. “Just don’t tell Perry.” Carmilla took a drink, watching the others take sips from their steaming mugs.

“When do you plan on having the wedding?” Perry asked as she snuggled into LaFontaine’s side.

“We haven’t discussed that yet. We came straight over,” Laura said. “I thought you heard everything through these walls?”

“Just when you squeal.”

“Oh my god,” Laura said, the blush returning to her cheeks.

“LaFontaine!” Perry said, smacking their leg. “We weren’t sure if you had discussed it before.”

“No, we haven’t.”

“Danny, would you mind stepping outside with me?” Carmilla asked as she stood up and let go of Laura’s hand.

“Um sure,” Danny said, setting her cup down on the coffee table. Carmilla walked out the door with Danny following her. She shut the door behind them. “What do you want?”

“Well, I’m going to insist that I be in charge of picking out the flowers, and I hear that you were a lot of help with that this morning,” Carmilla said. “You googled the meanings while you were there, didn’t you?”

“I thought it’d be funny,” Danny started. “And I know you thought it was. We saw you laughing your ass off.”

“How long were you and LaFontaine at the door?” Carmilla asked, shaking her head.

“Oh, don’t let Perry fool you. She was right there with us until we heard Laura squeal and say ‘are you serious.’ That’s when she went to the kitchen,” Danny replied with a laugh.

“Of course,” Carmilla said. “So will you help me or not?”

“Why would you want my help?”

“You think I want your help? I just want some help and it’s either you or one of the Ginger Twins,” Carmilla answered, looking away from Danny.

“Well, that really makes me want to help.”

“Fine. I’ll just ask LaF. Maybe they’ll help me set fire to something,” Carmilla said with her hand on the doorknob.

“Oh, no. You are not ruining Laura’s big day with fire. I’ll help you,” Danny said. The door opened behind them, and Laura slipped her arms around Carmilla’s waist.

“Guys, they didn’t kill each other,” Laura shouted back into the apartment. “We should get back to the apartment. I need to call my dad.” Laura let go of Carmilla and walked back to their apartment.

“Text me with the details later,” Danny said as Carmilla followed Laura back to their apartment. Carmilla walked into the apartment and Laura shut the door behind them.

“Now to call my dad and tell him the news, Laura said, pulling out her phone and walking in the living room. Carmilla came up behind her and grabbed the phone from her. “Carmilla,” Laura whined, turning around. Carmilla put her hand on Laura’s cheek as she stepped closer. She placed a tender kiss on Laura’s lips. Soon they were trying to kiss through their smiles. Carmilla’s eye caught a red light shining from Laura’s computer, and she broke the kiss.

“Cupcake, did you leave your camera on again?”

“Oh my god,” Laura said as she rushed over and shut it off. She turned red. “I forgot about that. I’ll delete it later. It caught everything.” Carmilla walked over and hugged her.

“But it’s for posterity.” 

***

“The rumba might be a little advanced for you, Cupcake.”

“But, Carm, everyone uses a waltz for their first dance,” Laura said, looking up from the binder in front of her. Carmilla sat beside her at the kitchen table.

“And I believe the waltz was our very first dance. You remember that night in the dorm room, don’t you?” Laura stood and offered Carmilla her hand. Carmilla stood and accepted Laura’s outstretched hand. Laura pushed in their chairs before placing her other hand on Carmilla’s shoulder.

“You mean when we were face to face,” Laura said. Carmilla’s hand rested in the small of her back, and she pulled her closer. “Chest to chest,” she added as they stepped in the familiar box formation.

“And all of that whirling,” Carmilla said, spinning Laura around. Laura’s hand never left hers, and she stepped back into Carmilla, a smile spreading across her face. Laura’s hand found its resting place back on Carmilla’s shoulder. Carmilla could hear Laura’s heartbeat quicken. They took a few more steps.

“Ow,” Laura said, breaking their form to rub the hip that had just bumped into the table.

“Maybe we should move this to the living room. There’s more space and I can put on some music,” Carmilla suggested.

“Great idea,” Laura said. They walked into the living room hand in hand. Carmilla took the remote from the couch and turned on the sound system.

“Hold on, love.” She walked over to the dock and fumbled with her music player until an orchestral piece began playing through the speakers. She bowed slightly in front of Laura. “May I have this dance?” she asked, and they fell into step with the music.

“What song is this?” Laura asked as she stepped back in from a spin.

“ _Liebestraum_ , or _Dream of Love_. It was composed by Franz Liszt,” Carmilla replied, never missing a beat of the song.

“I’ve never heard you play it before.”

“Maybe I was just waiting for the right time to play it, cutie.” Laura looked down at her feet causing herself to stumble. Carmilla caught her. “Careful.” She picked up the remote again and turned off the music. Laura sat on the couch, and Carmilla stood in front of her. “Do you still not want the waltz to be our first dance?”

“It’ll be perfect,” Laura replied. “I like the song, too.”

“Ok, so dance choice is a check. What else is on that ridiculous list of yours?” Carmilla asked, sitting down beside Laura.

“It’s not a ridiculous list. It’s everything we need to have the perfect wedding and reception.”

“Cupcake, your list is so long that you had to put it in a binder. Where did you even find that long of a list?”

“Perry. Her and LaF’s wedding was so beautiful,” Laura replied. “I thought it might help us too.”

“Sweetheart,” Carmilla started. She put an arm around Laura’s shoulder. “Our wedding would be perfect even if it was just the two of us and a justice of the peace.”

“Carm, you know I want a wedding. I want my family and our friends to be there.”

“I know, and that’s what you’ll get. I was just trying to make a point: as long as it’s you and I, that’s all that matters.”

“I know. I’m sorry, but I mean we’ve already set a date,” Laura said. “And we haven’t even picked the colors yet.”

“How about something simple, like black and white?”

“It’s a little bit too simple, don’t you think?”

“But it’s sophisticated. And we can always add an accent color if you think it’s too boring,” Carmilla added.

“What color would you suggest?”

“Red always goes well with black and white.”

***

Carmilla got out of her car and walked toward the door to the flower shop. She saw Danny getting out of her own car across the lot. She waited for Danny to catch up to her before opening the door. “Nice of you to join me,” she snarked.

“No way, Elvira. I’ve been sitting here waiting for ten minutes,” Danny said. “I was about to leave your dead girl behind to pick out flowers yourself. Though I’m sure you could manage.”

“I could, but then who would I bicker with?” Carmilla asked as they walked through the shop.

“I don’t know. Maybe you should have brought your fiancée since it’s her wedding too,” Danny said.

“But she refuses to go anywhere near a flower shop since that day. Which I mean is partially my fault.”

“Partially? I believe you are entirely at fault, yelling at her like that. Over flowers of all things.” Danny picked up a bouquet of white roses. “Black and white are your colors, right?”

“Yeah, with red. I can’t imagine that you’ve missed any of Laura’s planning e-mails.” Danny shook her head. “Also you have to accept some of the responsibility for what happened that day. You knew about the flowers,” Carmilla added.

“Ok, ok. You’re right. It was an awful thing, but you made Laura think you were leaving forever, which was even worse.”

“Agreed. But now she knows that I don’t plan on leaving her any time soon.”

“So, white roses and what else?” Danny asked. Carmilla took the flowers from Danny and put them down.

“Actually, I was thinking about getting those deep red roses and the stargazer lilies.”

“Are you kidding me? Isn’t that the same flower arrangement that—“

“Yes, but I figure it can be a sentimental thing,” Carmilla said with a shrug. “Maybe we can add some Queen Anne’s Lace to it as well.”

“If you already knew the flowers you wanted, then why am I here?” Danny asked as Carmilla went to place the order for the flowers.

“Well, for one I need a distraction. Perry and Laura are at a dress appointment, and I’m really tempted to go see if I can catch a glimpse of her in the dress.”

“And the second reason?”

“Seeing Laura’s dress appointment on the calendar last night made me realize that that is something I need to do,” Carmilla said, looking at her feet.

“You want my help picking out a dress?” Carmilla took a deep breath.

“Yes, I want your help. I looked at a dress a week or so ago, but I want a second opinion, ok?” Danny thought for a moment.

“Alright, but we can’t go to the same store that Laura’s at,” she finally said. “And you’re driving.”

“Deal. Besides don’t worry. We aren’t going to a bridal shop,” Carmilla said as they walked out the door. She unlocked her car. “Get in. We’re going to the mall.”

“Why are we going to the mall?” Danny asked as they got into the car.

“You’ll find out when we get there,” Carmilla replied as she started the car and drove off. They rode the short distance to the mall in silence. Carmilla parked and jumped out of the car. “To the prom department.”

“Carmilla, you do realize you’re getting married, not going to prom, correct?” Danny asked as they made their way through the store.

“Of course I realize that, but honestly can you see me wearing white?” Carmilla answered. “There was a black dress here that I think would be perfect.” She looked through the racks of dresses. “I was thinking of dressing it up with some ribbon to match the roses.” Danny pulled out her phone and gasped at what was on the screen. “What? What is it?” Danny pressed a few buttons on her phone before answering.

“That was Perry. Laura’s found a dress, and it’s gorgeous.”

“Let me see,” Carmilla said, reaching for Danny’s phone.

“No way. The picture came with very specific instructions to delete after viewing. You know Laura doesn’t want you to see it until the wedding.” Carmilla pouted. “Now, go start trying on dresses, Karnstein. We don’t have all day.” Carmilla picked out several black dresses and headed toward the dressing room.

***

2020

“No, you listen. Our wedding is a month away. You can’t tell me that you double-booked that day.” Carmilla listened as Laura shouted into the phone. “Sorry will not cater my wedding. It will be impossible to find someone else now. Thanks for ruining my wedding,” Laura said before forcefully clicking the ‘end call’ button. Carmilla was terrified at the calm smile that spread across Laura’s face. “Well, that was the caterer. We now have no food for the reception.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll find someone else.”

“Carmilla, it took us a month to pick that caterer in the first place. And with it being so close to the wedding it will be very close to impossible for us to find someone else.” Laura let out a frustrated scream. “This age doesn’t understand obligation.” Carmilla chuckled.

“And how would you know that, cutie?” Carmilla asked.

“Don’t laugh, you useless vampire,” Laura said. “This is no time to laugh. Our wedding is ruined because of some dimwits who don’t know how to use a calendar properly.” She sunk into the couch.

“Laura, sweetheart, our wedding isn’t ruined. We will feed our guests even if I have to stay up cooking the night before,” Carmilla said as she pulled Laura up from the couch. Laura let out a small laugh.

“You? Cook? For other people? That’s a good one, Carm,” Laura said, walking into the kitchen. Carmilla followed her.

“I was being serious. I’ve learned to cook some since we started dating.” Carmilla watched as Laura got the peanut butter from the cabinet. “Someone had to or you’d try to live off of junk food.” She got the bread off the top of the fridge and handed it to Laura, who stuck her tongue out. Carmilla responded in like fashion.

“While I appreciate the sentiment, darling, I don’t think you can cook for all those people,” Laura said as she made a sandwich. “You want a glass of blood?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Carmilla answered. Laura took a glass from the cabinet and got the soy milk container from the fridge. “I won’t do it alone. I’ll get some help from the Ginger Squad.” She poured the blood into the glass and took a drink. “How about I make you a sampling to try tonight?”

“I don’t know, Carmilla. We’ll try to find someone else first. If we don’t find anyone then I’ll think about letting you cook.” Laura put the blood back in the fridge. “This is not me saying yes though.” Carmilla leaned into the kiss that Laura placed on her cheek.

“I’m still cooking tonight, and I want you to invite everyone over. Even Kirsch and Danny. I’m making a feast.”

“Really? You’ve never cooked for more than just me,” Laura said with a laugh. “And now you’re going to make a feast for five people?”

“And more if you invite them. Any coworkers you’re really close with? Can you dad get here by dinner time?”

“You’re serious about this. Why?”

“I want to show you that you won’t have to worry about anything while I’m around,” Carmilla said.

***

Carmilla ran from the bedroom when she heard the sound of something breaking and Laura crying. She rounded the counter into the kitchen. She saw Laura, with tears running down her cheek, kneeling on the floor surrounded by the broken porcelain of a mug and a puddle of hot chocolate. “Laura, are you ok?” 

“I just wanted some hot cocoa. I don’t know what happened. The mug just fell out of my hand,” Laura said. Carmilla held in a laugh. “Don’t laugh,” Laura pouted. “I just wanted cocoa.” She started to cry again.

“Laura,” Carmilla said. Laura looked up at her with a blank stare. “Laura, how long has it been since you’ve slept?” Laura looked at the ceiling.

“What time is it?

“It’s nine in the morning.”

“What morning?”

“Tuesday.”

“Well, I woke up around seven Sunday morning,” Laura said, her voice trailing off. Carmilla walked over and helped her stand up.

“Cupcake, you need your sleep,” she said, picking Laura up and carrying her out of the kitchen.

“I know. I know.”

“Why haven’t you been sleeping?” Carmilla asked as she placed Laura on the bed.

“I don’t know,” Laura replied.

“Laura, what is it?”

“The wedding is in less than two weeks, and I’m starting to freak out a little, ok? I don’t know how you’re not. And I really just want a cup of hot cocoa,” Laura said, bursting into tears again.

“I’ll be right back,” Carmilla said. She left the room and made Laura another cup of hot cocoa. She brought it back to the room where she found Laura with her back against the headboard and her knees against her chest. She handed the mug to Laura. Laura took a sip, using the mug to warm her hands. “You think I’m not freaking out? That’s funny, cutie.”

“Well, you don’t seem to be. You’ve been acting all cool and disaffected,” Laura said. “Are you freaking out?” Carmilla sat down by Laura’s feet.

“Of course I am. I never thought I would talk to Danny or Kirsch in my life, yet I’ve probably met them each for coffee or lunch every day for the past week. I’m just as nervous as you are about this.”

“Oh, you know you like those two,” Laura said playfully. Carmilla smiled.

“Yeah, I guess I do.” Laura laughed the laugh Carmilla had last heard when she had stayed up for over twenty four hours, running after a big breaking news story.

“Why are we nervous? We know we’re soulmates,” Laura stated.

“Well, I’m about to give you forever, and that’s terrifying to me.” She looked at Laura. “My forever is a bit longer than yours.”

“Carmilla, don’t start this now. I’m too tired,” Laura said. Carmilla stood, took the cup from her, and let Laura stretch out on the bed. “Please don’t think you have to give me anything more than my forever,” she added sleepily. “My forever is all I’ve asked for, ok?”

“Ok, Creampuff. Now get some rest,” Carmilla said sadly as she leaned and placed a kiss on Laura’s cheek. “I love you, Laura.”

“I love you too, Carmilla,” Laura replied, sleep taking over her voice.

***

_You and I are one forever_. Carmilla read over the engraving that she had had craved onto the inside of Laura’s ring. “Laura is going to be so upset with me when she reads this,” Carmilla said. Danny looked at her in the mirror.

“You mean Laura doesn’t know you got her ring engraved?” Danny asked, her hands dropping the long curls that she had just put into Carmilla’s hair.

“She knows I got it engraved. She doesn’t know what it says,” Carmilla replied, turning the ring over in her hands.

“What does it say?” Danny asked, curling the last section of Carmilla’s hair. Carmilla handed the ring to her. Danny read the engraving. “Aw, who knew you were such a romantic, dead girl?”

“Shut up.” Carmilla took the ring back. “Forever isn’t a very good term in our relationship. Never has been.” Carmilla placed the ring on the table in front of her and began to put on her makeup. Danny picked up the ring again.

“Laura loves you. This silly engraving isn’t going to upset her. She’ll probably think it’s sweet,” Danny said. “Which who knew that anything sweet could come from the mistress of snark?” Danny put the ring back down.

“Laura always seemed to see it,” Carmilla said.

“Except when she thought you wanted to eat her,” Danny said with a chuckle. There was a knock at the door. “Yeah?” LaFontaine walked into the room and closed the door behind them.

“It’s about time you learn to knock,” Carmilla said.

“It’s about time you start learning to lock the door,” LaFontaine replied. “Laura’s almost ready.” They looked at Danny. “Perry keeps having to touch up her makeup.”

“Our little dork,” Danny said. “She’s going to be a mess before this day is over.”

“She’s already a mess. She can’t stop crying.” LaFontaine looked at Carmilla. “You look great. Black was a good choice.”

“That’s what I told her,” Danny said.

“I’m the one that suggested black, thank you,” Carmilla said as she stood up and walked to the door. “Is the red belt too much?” Carmilla turned to LaFontaine.

“No, it’s perfect. I’m going to go check on the other bride. Papa Hollis is getting antsy,” LaFontaine said. “But you two should go get in your places. It’s almost time.” LaFontaine left the room.

“And now I’m nervous,” Carmilla said. “What am I even doing?” She sat back down in front of the mirror.

“You are marrying the girl you love if you would get out there,” Danny replied.

“But her life will be so strange.”

“Need I remind you of the years she spent at Silas? Her life is already strange.” Danny pointed toward the door. “Now get moving or I’ll get Laura to come in here and kick your ass, vampire.” Carmilla growled and snapped at her.

“I’ll get going when I feel like it,” Carmilla said. Perry burst through the door. She grabbed Carmilla and Danny’s arms.

“Carmilla Karnstein, get out there right now. They’re all waiting on you. Danny, this was your job,” Perry said as she pushed them out the door. They rushed to their spots in front of everyone. 

Carmilla held a small bouquet of roses, lilies, and Queen Anne’s lace in her now sweating palms. She waited for the processional music to begin. She had originally shook her head at Laura’s choice to use the traditional Pachelbel’s Canon in D, but she swore she felt her heart beat again when she heard the beginning notes and everyone stood. She looked down the aisle only to have her heart skip several beats at seeing Laura in a long, flowing white dress, holding a bouquet that matched hers. She could see Laura’s bright smile through the veil covering her face, and Carmilla felt her knees go weak. _You are mine, you shall be mine, you and I are one forever._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuck. The fluff in this chapter was gross. I need the angst back.


	8. Chapter 8

2025

“Carmilla, hurry up. I don’t want to make the others wait too long,” Laura shouted from the bedroom. “It happens every year.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“Danny just texted me. They’re already taking bets on how late we’ll be this year. She also said she’s starting to think you do it on purpose.” Carmilla came up behind her, slipping her arms around Laura’s waist and resting her head on her shoulder.

“Maybe I never want to share my cupcake on her birthday,” Carmilla said, kissing Laura’s neck. “I mean the best part of my present isn’t appropriate for public.” Laura pushed Carmilla off of her.

“No, you can wait to give me that present until after dinner this year,” Laura said. She turned to look at Carmilla, who was wearing a bathrobe. “Carm, go get dressed.”

“Or we could just cancel the birthday dinner and stay here,” Carmilla said. Laura forced Carmilla to turn and pushed her toward the bathroom.

“We’re seriously going to be late,” Laura said as she shoved Carmilla into the bathroom. “We don’t have forever.” Carmilla turned to face her.

“We could.”

“God, Carmilla, don’t start this now. Can we just go have a nice dinner with our friends to celebrate my birthday?”

“Right. It’s your birthday. Laura, you’re turning thirty, and I still look eighteen,” Carmilla said. Laura put up her hand and walked away.

“I’m not talking about this now. Get dressed. We’ll go to dinner, and we can have this fight later. But I promise you my views haven’t changed,” Laura said as she walked back into the bedroom. Carmilla was right behind her.

“Laura, listen to me. This is just going to get harder with each passing year. What will it look like when you’re fifty and married to an eighteen year old?!”

“Carmilla, we’ll figure that out when the time comes,” Laura said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“In case you haven’t noticed, the time is already here. Haven’t you seen the strange looks people give us?” Carmilla asked, placing her hands on Laura’s shoulders.

“They’re just jealous because I have such a hot wife.”

“Laura, please let me give you this present this year. I promise I’ll be right there with you the entire time,” Carmilla said. Laura stepped back from Carmilla. “If there’s one thing I didn’t learn from Mother was how to treat a newly-turned vampire.”

“Well, that’s reassuring,” Laura snarked.

“It should be. She treated her newly-turned like they should just know how to control their bloodlust. I learned better ways.”

“Please. Can we just discuss this later?”

“I told you I helped Will when he first turned, didn’t I?” Carmilla asked.

“Yes, during one of the other fights we had about this. Now please get ready,” Laura said as she picked up her keys.

“No. I’m not getting ready until you promise me that you’ll think about this,” Carmilla said. Laura gripped her keys tightly, her hands shaking.

“Carmilla, I’ve told you time and time again that I have thought about it, but I don’t think that I could live forever,” Laura replied. “It’s hard enough to think that one day I will have to bury my dad and maybe my friends. I can’t imagine knowing for a fact that I will.”

“You can’t imagine it? Imagine how I feel. Cupcake, I can’t stand the thought of losing you,” Carmilla said, a tear forming in her eye. “I know you’re scared, but I’ll help you through it.” Laura closed her eyes.

“We’ll discuss this later. You can get ready and meet us at the restaurant because I’m not going to be late to my own birthday dinner. Again.” She opened the door.

“Laura, please.”

“You have to respect my decision. It’s my life. You know?” Laura stepped out the door.

“I know, Cupcake,” Carmilla said, barely above a whisper, as the door slammed closed behind her.

***

Carmilla hadn’t heard a word that was said throughout the service. All she heard was that slamming door. That car pulling out of the driveway. She felt like she had been crying ever since she had gotten that call, and every time she thought she couldn’t cry anymore— _Why didn’t I stop her?_ she thought. The tears started streaming down her face again. She became aware that Papa Hollis was no longer standing beside her when she didn’t feel his strong arm pull her close to him as she stared down where the casket had been lowered. She felt someone else step up beside of her.

“Carmilla, everyone’s heading back to our place for the reception. Are you ready to go, sweetie?” Perry asked, putting a hand on Carmilla’s shoulder. Carmilla shook her head.

“I think I want to be alone for a bit,” she replied.

“Ok, we’ll wait in the car for you then,” Perry said. She stepped away from Carmilla. “Come on, LaFontaine. Danny, don’t.” Carmilla felt herself being turned.

“This is your fault,” Danny said. “If you hadn’t started that stupid fight, she’d still be here.” She shoved Carmilla, who almost fell. “It’s all your fault.”

“Who was the one she called to vent to when she stopped on the side of the road? Who was the one who told her to go back for me?” Carmilla shouted through her tears. “She knew that I would come along eventually. She would have been at the restaurant if she had kept driving. She would have been nowhere near that driver that fell asleep at the wheel.” Carmilla shoved Danny back, but Danny barely stumbled back. “This is as much your fault as it is mine.” The next thing Carmilla knew she was on the ground, her hand on her left cheek.

“It’s no one’s fault. It was an accident,” LaFontaine said as they stepped in between them.

“You all can’t even be normal at a funeral!” Perry said. 

“Look around. What about any of this is normal? Our lives haven’t been normal since she walked into Laura’s dorm room,” Danny shouted.

“Technically, they haven’t been normal since before that. When the girls started disappearing,” LaFontaine said.

“Whatever. That was because of her too.”

“Don’t blame me for what my mother did,” Carmilla spat.

“I can blame you for anything I want to,” Danny said.

“What would Laura think of this behavior?!” Perry said.

“Yeah, guys. Little Laura wouldn’t want this,” Kirsch said, offering a hand to help Carmilla up. Carmilla shook her head. “Chicks shouldn’t fight anyway.”

“Well, Laura obviously didn’t always want the best things. You wanted forever and look what it got you,” Danny said as she stood over Carmilla. “I should have brought that stake like I promised.” Kirsch pushed Danny back as Perry finally helped Carmilla up.

“Not cool, bro.” Kirsch pushed Danny toward his car.

“I wish you would have, too,” Carmilla said, falling into Perry’s arms. The tears coming back full force. 

“Danny, I’ll drive you,” Kirsch said.

“Why didn’t I stop her?”

“Carmilla, there’s nothing you could have done,” LaFontaine said. “Let’s go.” They started to help Perry take Carmilla to their car. Carmilla slipped from their grip and fell to her knees. They tried to help her up.

“No, just leave me here. Please,” Carmilla cried. “I don’t want to leave her again.”

“Carmilla, sweetie. She would hate what you’re doing to yourself,” Perry said. “Come on. We have some of your protein supplement in the fridge.”

“Really, Perr? It’s blood, and you’ve known it for almost twelve years now,” LaFontaine said.

“Blood isn’t a normal drink,” Perry said. Carmilla shook her head.

“It is for a vampire,” LaFontaine replied. Carmilla stood up and walked toward the cars. “Perry, stop acting like you don’t know this. Hey, we parked the other way, Carmilla.”

“I know. I was going to see if I can catch a ride with the big puppy,” Carmilla replied. “I’d rather ride with the person who wants to kill me than in a car with the two of you bickering like the old married couple you are.”

***

“Hey, Cupcake,” she slurred as she stumbled toward the stone. “I know you don’t approve of my drinking, but,” she paused. She could see the tiny woman standing there with her hands on her hips. “God, it’s been so hard. These weeks without you have been hell.” She could see the woman’s position shift, her arms folded across her chest. She felt herself sober up a bit.

“Don’t worry, cutie. I didn’t kill anyone. I just drank a little.” She stumbled again. “From a few people.” She ran her hand along the top of the stone. “Tried to starve myself, but LaF.” She let out a small chuckle. “They don’t let me go more than a few days without checking on me. I think Perry sends them over. Kirsch, he’s sweet. Keeps trying to get me to do things with him like bowling.” Carmilla lovingly traced the name.

**LAURA HOLLIS**  
**1995-2025**

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” Carmilla said. “I’m so sorry. You should have waited for me. Why didn’t you wait for me?”

She was answered with silence.

“You always waited for me. Why was this year different?

Silence.

“We could’ve had forever,” she said, hitting the stone. The physical pain didn’t register. “This wouldn’t have happened if you would’ve let me turn you.” She felt the hot tears stinging her face. “You were so concerned about burying everyone else that you never thought about us having to bury you.”

Carmilla dropped to her knees, continuing to trace the letter: **Loving Wife**. “Why did I start that fight?” She looked down at the newly growing grass on top of the grave. “Were you that afraid of forever?”

Silence.

“Damn it, Laura, I was afraid of forever too. I’m still afraid of it. I’m terrified of forever without you. I love you so much. I’m such a mess.” Carmilla cried when she saw the withered flowers she had placed on the headstone the week before, a deep red rose and a white stargazer lily. “I haven’t been home since the police called. But, don’t worry about me, sundance. You know I can take care of myself.” 

She traced the name again. “It’s just too quiet without you. I miss you, Laura. And I keep kicking myself because I couldn’t even bring myself to go back to see you. They said that you died instantly which I guess was supposed to make me feel better, but I was so broken. I had to call Papa Hol- your father.” **Darling Daughter** , she traced over. “I never wanted to see another father cry like mine. I haven’t talked to your father since just after the funeral.” **Caring Friend**. “I haven’t seen Danny since the funeral. And I’m sorry again about that. We were way out of line, but I guess it just proves that she cares about you too.”

Carmilla stretched at her hip. “I got the words tattooed over where they were. They faded before I even knew what had happened, my love,” she said somberly. “Then it started to itch which is normal.” Her hand dropped from the stone. “But when I went to doctor it up I lost it. Laura, there are red swirls forming underneath the tattoo.”

She picked up the withered flowers. “I know I told you that that is how it always starts. Cupcake, I can’t do this again. I don’t want to love anyone else. I can’t love anyone else the way I love you. Laura, I still love you.” She touched the stone again. “I didn’t tell you enough. I love you, Laura Hollis. I will always love you.” She traced over the name again.

“I didn’t even know you heard what I said. I just wanted forever with you,” Carmilla said. “Don’t get me wrong.” She sat down beside the stone. “I am so happy for the time we had, but I can’t help but beat myself up. If I hadn’t insisted on forever you’d still be here. Oh,” she said, snapping her fingers. “I almost forgot.” She got into the bag that hang off her shoulder and pulled out a box of cookies. “I got these for you before… well, before.” She opened the package and set it down in front of the stone. “You know I won’t eat them.” Carmilla smiled a little and shook her head. “I appear to have picked up your habit of rambling. I should get going.” She stood up on shaky legs. “I love you, you know?”

_I know, Carm._

***

2026

“Can I ask what’s wrong with this place, Miss Karnstein?” the man asked as they ended the tour of the house.

“There’s nothing wrong,” Carmilla said. The man nodded and looked around the entryway.

“Plumbing is all working? No mold or vermin of any kind?”

“I assure you, Mr. Le Fanu, everything is on the up and up with this house,” Carmilla said as she watched him continue to inspect different parts of the house.

“I’m sure you can understand my weariness. You are asking well below the rental value for a house like this in this kind of neighborhood,” Mr. Le Fanu said. “That usually means something is wrong with it.

“Nothing is wrong with this house. I just can’t stay here anymore, not after my wife… not after she… Listen, I don’t really need the income from the rental process, I just want to be sure that the house is kept in good repair,” she replied. “That’s what she would have wanted. If you can promise me that then it’s yours for the price I’m asking as soon as we can sign the papers.”

“Really? So it could be mine this evening?”

“Well, I have one more room to pack up and move. I can get it packed up in the next day or so.”

“Thank you so much. My wife will be so happy,” Mr. Le Fanu said, shaking Carmilla’s hand before he walked out of the house. 

She looked around at the bare walls and empty rooms. She stopped in front of the bedroom door before finding the courage to open it. Nothing had changed since that night. Everything was just where Laura had left it. She grabbed a box and began to pack up Laura’s clothes, gently placing them inside.

“You have a lot of clothes, cutie,” she said as she opened another box and started to fill it. After the clothes were packed, she began packing away the odds and ends: Laura’s jewelry, the perfume she always wore, the framed pictures of them that were scattered around the room. She felt a tear in her eye as she smiled at one of their wedding pictures. “I don’t think you have ever completely forgiven me for the flower choices.”

Carmilla turned to the bed where the small box wrapped in silver wrapping paper had been sitting since she answered the phone that night. She sat down on the bed. She tenderly touched it the box, almost fearing that it would crumble at her touch. She gently tore open the paper and opened the box. The silver heart-shaped locket read _Forever_ and inside was a picture from a mall photo booth that Laura had convinced Carmilla to get into with her a couple of weeks before the… Carmilla took the necklace from the box and put it on herself.

“I hope you don’t mind me wearing it,” she said. “Now where did I put the rest of those boxes?” She walked back to the hallway just outside the door. Before she could pick up another box her hand was on her hip as she screamed in pain. “Goddamnit. This can’t be happening. Not now. Not ever. This should never happen again.” She looked at her hip. Under the tattooed _you know_ now blazed a new set of burning red words.

_I love you too._

***

2030

Carmilla walked up to the headstone and ran her hand along the top over it. “Hey, cutie. Happy birthday,” she said as she took a cookie from the open pack she had brought with her. “They’re chocolate chip. Your favorite.” She placed the package of cookies in front of the stone. “I know. I’m still always taking your food. But I did remember the cocoa this year,” Carmilla said, raising the drink carrier that held two cups of cocoa. She took one out and placed it beside the cookies. “Do you remember that day around two weeks before our wedding when I found you crying on the kitchen floor because of some spilt cocoa? You hadn't slept in like two days or something like that. Look, I even got one for myself this time.” She took the one with ‘mine’ written in red from the carrier. “Though I’m sure you don’t mind that I put a little blood in mine.”

“I told you this would be where we’d find her,” she heard a voice in the distance say. “The groundskeeper says she’s here every year.” Carmilla turned to see a group of people approaching her. “Hey, mistress of the snark, you’re a hard person to track down.”

“Yeah, you just disappeared,” Kirsch said. “That kinda wasn’t very cool.”

“Why would you be trying to find me?” Carmilla asked as she began to recognize the whole gang. “More importantly what are you doing here?” The others had made it to the graveside now.

“We wanted to all get together to celebrate Laura’s birthday one last time as a group,” Perry said. “We brought present.” Carmilla looked around. Everyone was holding a package except for Danny.

“You all bought her presents?”

“We did five years ago. It never felt right to open them,” LaFontaine said. “So we thought we’d have a birthday dinner and open them.” They looked at Carmilla. “If you don’t mind us crashing your little party.” Carmilla looked at the headstone.

“We would love for you all to join us, though I’m not sure what kind of dining options the cemetery provides.”

“No worries. I packed food,” LaFontaine said, taking a backpack off of their shoulders. Perry rolled her eyes.

“And by food they mean peanut butter sandwiches,” she said. Carmilla smiled a little.

“Laura’s favorite,” Carmilla sighed as she blinked back the tears. LaFontaine passed the sandwiches around and placed one by the pack of cookies. “Well, I guess we can all take a seat on the ground.” Everyone slowly sat down in the grass around Laura’s grave.

“Carmilla, where have you been the last five years?” Kirsch asked, taking a bite of his sandwich.

“I’ve been travelling. Finally made it to see America. The Metropolitan Museum of Art was just as great as I had imagined it would be,” she replied. She took a bite of the sandwich that she didn’t need. “I wish Laura could have seen it.”

“That’s cool,” Kirsch said. “Danny, you kinda dropped off the face of the earth too. What’s been going on that you couldn’t go throw some cherry bombs with your bro a few weeks ago?” he asked, nudging Danny with his shoulder. She swallowed the big bite of peanut butter that she had just taken.

“LaFontaine, sweetie, did you bring any water to wash these down with?” Perry asked. LaF shook their head.

“I didn’t even think about it.”

“I actually have some big news. I just moved into a new house, which is why I’m without my present. It seems to have gotten lost in the move,” Danny said regretfully. “And I’ve been approved to adopt.”

“Oh, congratulations,” Carmilla stammered.

“That is awesome,” LaFontaine said, high-fiving Danny.

“Dude, I’m going to be an uncle,” Kirsch said.

“Honey, that’s not how that works,” Perry started.

“Once a bro, always a bro,” Danny said. “I’m sure my kid will love their Uncle Kirsch.” She looked at him. "Just no tridents and salted herring until the kid is at least fifteen and no cherry bombs until they're eighteen."

“Not even a baby trident?” Danny glared at him. “It won’t be sharp. I’m not stupid.”

"Oh I can't wait to take the little scientist under my wing," LaF said. Perry looked at Danny.

“Don’t worry, Perr. I won’t let them anywhere near LaF’s lab until I’m sure the kid can handle being laughed at for not having any eyebrows,” Danny said.

“That’s only happened twice,” LaF protested.

“Better safe than sorry,” Danny offered. Perry nodded.

“Kirsch, what have you been doing?” Perry asked.

“Nothing much really. I’m one of the leaders of Zeta Omega Mu’s national organization, which is pretty awesome.”

“And what about you two?” Carmilla asked, turning to Perry and LaFontaine. “What have you been up to?”

“Well, I’m part of a research team that collects samples of different things from places that have strange occurrences,” LaFontaine started. “The team actually went to Silas sometime before I joined. Said that’s how they knew I’d fit in, if I was able to attend that school.”

“Meanwhile, I try to convince myself that they aren’t off at places that are stranger than Silas, but I’ve had to accept some of the weird,” Perry interjected.

“It’s about time there, Perry,” Danny said.

“Oh, and Perry opened her own bakery a few years ago,” LaFontaine said. They opened there bag again. “And she makes the best chocolate chip cookies.” They held up a bag of cookies. They took a cookie out and placed it beside the hot cocoa that Carmilla had set down earlier before passing the bag around for everyone to get a cookie. They raised their cookie. “To Laura.”

“To Laura,” the others said, raising their cookies.

“Can we open the presents now?” Kirsch asked as he finished his cookie, crumbs flying out of his mouth.

“Yeah, go ahead,” Carmilla replied. She watched as Kirsch, Perry, and LaF all began to unwrap the packages. Perry got up first and placed an apron by the package of cookies Carmilla had set down.

“I was hoping to finally teach you to cook.”

“I saw this and immediately thought of you,” LaFontaine said as they put down a spatula. “Plus you could've used it when cooking with Perry.” Kirsch set down a package of cookies and a copy of a book.

“Sorry, Little Laura, but the cookies probably aren’t any good now. And I remember how you helped me with that _Beobab_ story,” he said. 

“He means _Beowulf_ , Laura. I’m sorry I lost my present in the move. But I’m sure you would have gotten a laugh,” Danny said, resting her hand on the headstone. Carmilla touched the locket that she still wore. The picture inside had started to fade, and she hated that her memories were already starting to get fuzzy. Laura’s laugh used to ring so clearly in her mind. Now it was like something heard underwater.

“Thanks for letting us crash the party,” Kirsch said as he started to walk away.

“Wait up,” Danny said, walking after him.

“I just had a thought. Laura wasn’t late to her party this year,” LaFontaine stated. Carmilla tried to suppress a chuckle as Perry smacked them on the back of the head. “Come on, Perr. Laura would have laughed at that.”


	9. Chapter 9

2045

Arcillma sat at a table in the library. She hadn’t noticed that the sun had set, but her favorite time to be in the library was after dark. It wasn’t Silas. She didn’t have to worry about books becoming airborne or kids getting sucked into the card catalog. She read another page of the book in front of her before picking up the red pen beside her hand and beginning to scribble something in the margins.

“So it’s you that’s been defacing school property,” a girl’s voice said as the pen was pulled from her hand. “You’re in so much trouble.” Arcillma looked up at the girl who stood behind her. “What are you even doing to these books anyway?” the girl asked, picking up the book that Arcillma had been writing in.

“I’m editing them,” Arcillma said. She grabbed the book and pen back. “It’s not like anyone uses these anymore. Rumor has it that the school hasn’t bought the physical copy of a book in ten years. Everything’s digital now.” She began scribbling in the book again. The girl shut the book. “You can stop doing that anytime.” She went to open the book, but the girl kept her hand on it.

“I can’t let you do this on my watch. I need this work study position to help with tuition,” the girl said as she picked up the book and walked toward the shelves. “If you must vandalize—“

“Edit.”

“ _Edit_ the books please be kind enough to do it when I’m not the one working.”

“Do you work nights often? I don’t believe I’ve seen you in here before,” Arcillma said, following the girl’s voice into the stacks.

“I usually work in the mornings. They let me come in after my run.” Arcillma found the girl among the history books, searching through the numbers until she found the place for the book she was holding.

“Then what are you doing here so late?”

“The guy that usually works tonight got a case of food poisoning and is unable to leave his room.” The girl moved some of the books back into their rightful places. “My mom would flip if she knew I was in here at night.” The girl laughed.

“Is she afraid of her little girl being out after dark?” Arcillma cooed. The girl turned to face her.

“No, it’s something about libraries being dangerous after dark. Something about flying books. I don’t know,” she added when she looked at Arcillma’s face. “My mom is a strange one.”

“Sounds like she may have had too much fun during her college days,” she said.

“Oh, no. She didn’t do drugs or anything. She just went to a strange school.”

“Flying books? Sounds like a prank to me.”

“That’s what I told her, but she insists that it really happened,” the girl said. “She says she knew people who almost died because of it. So growing up in my house was an odd experience.”

“How so?” Arcillma asked as she walked toward the girl.

“Well, while everyone else was getting told not to go out and party and not to do drugs, I was being told to _not go to the library after dark_ and to _let her know if anyone starts acting weird_ ,” the girl said mockingly. “Whatever that’s supposed to mean.”

“No offense but your mother sounds really paranoid.” Arcillma leaned against the shelf.

“Oh, you don’t even know the half of it.”

“Maybe you can tell me about it over coffee or something,” Arcillma said. “Here.” She handed the girl her cell phone. “Put in your number. You sound like you need to vent about it sometime.” The girl took the phone.

“Mom also warned me about girls who wear too much eyeliner,” she said. Arcillma chuckled lightly.

“I’m sure she did.”

“I should get back to work.” She began to walk off.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t believe I caught your name,” Arcillma said.

“Daisy.”

***

“Arcillma, over here,” Daisy said, waving her over to a table as soon as she walked into the café. “What’s with that?” She pointed to the travel mug that Arcillma was carrying. “I thought we were getting something here.”

“You can. They just don’t have coffee strong enough for me to be up this early,” Arcillma said. “I’ll wait here while you go order though.” Daisy looked up from her phone.

“Just did,” Daisy said. Arcillma sat across from the girl. “Why did you say you’d meet me if you aren’t usually up by now? We could have met up late.” She looked at Arcillma. “Oh god, I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“Daisy, you’re fine. I actually haven’t went to bed yet.”

“I just needed to vent. I don’t know why the first person I thought of was you, but here we are.” Daisy paused. “Wait, you haven’t been asleep yet? How are you even alive right now?” Arcillma shrugged and took a sip from her mug.

“Mostly live off of this stuff and the occasional peanut butter sandwich.”

“Don’t your parents send you anything healthy?” Daisy asked. Arcillma set her mug down and looked away from the other girl.

“Actually my parents don’t send anything. They died when I was younger. And I never quite got along with my adoptive family,” Arcillma replied.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I was just trying to say that you can’t live off of peanut butter and coffee alone. I didn’t mean anything by it.” The waiter brought out Daisy’s drink.

“It’s ok. We just met last week. You had no way of knowing, cutie,”Arcillma said. _What the frilly hell was that?_ “Anyway, did you say you needed to vent?”

“God, yes,” Daisy said. “My mom is insane. I checked my mail after I finished my run and do you know what she sent me.” She paused and Arcillma shook her head. “A freaking vampire hunting kit.” Arcillma nearly spit out her drink.

“What?” she choked out.

“I know! Crazy, right?” Daisy swirled the liquid around her cup. “She also sent a book of vampire lore that she had marked up.”

“She just sent you a vampire hunting kit?” Arcillma asked.

“Yeah. Last week she emailed me a link to an article about werewolves and what to do if you’re bitten,” Daisy replied. “I don’t know why she sent me that kit though, unless it was because I let it slip about being in the library the other night.”

“Ah, so she’s worried about there being vampires out in the night then?”

“Nope, not just the night. One of the edits she made was that they can go out in the daytime too.” Daisy shook her head. “That must sound stupid to you, but she’s been this way since college apparently.”

“Your mom sounds like she’s just trying to protect you,” Arcillma said.

“Yeah, protect me from all the nonexistent things that go bump in the night,” Daisy said, taking a sip. “And of course the hot cocoa is still hot enough to burn your tongue.”

“Hot cocoa? Isn’t it a little hot outside for that?” Arcillma took a drink from her own mug, looking across at Daisy who was taking the lid off of her cup.

“Again something weird that we do at my house: drink hot cocoa year-round.”

“That actually sounds kind of nice. Is it just you and your mom?”

“Yeah. Some of her friends used to come around when I was younger.” Daisy sighed. “Luckily, her brother still comes around quite a bit. He’s cool.”

“Ah, the overprotective single mother.”

“I guess, but seriously? Vampires and werewolves aren’t even real things,” Daisy said.

“I believe in the weird,” Arcillma said, taking off the lid off of her mug.

“You can’t be serious.”

“I have to.” Arcillma tilted the mug so Daisy could see the thick red liquid inside. “Is that—“

“Blood? Yeah,” Arcillma said as she put the lid back on her cup. “I’m part of the weird your mom warned you about.” She chuckled slightly. “I’ve learned to embrace it.” Daisy stood up and turned to leave. “Daisy, please hear me out.”

“I have work shortly and then class. Can you make it quick?”

“I have over three hundred years to cover. Maybe another time,” Arcillma replied. “Just promise me that you won’t tell your mom or try to stake me.”

***

They sat out on the quad while Arcillma told Daisy her tragic backstory, leaving out only certain parts—like Silas, she still couldn’t talk about Laura. “You still don’t believe me, do you?” Arcillma said. 

“I’m sorry, but this is too crazy. There is no such thing as vampires or anything like that. They’re just stories made up to scare people,” Daisy replied. “You sound as crazy as my mom.”

“I just gave you the longest history lesson of your life.”

“Which you can just learn off of the internet. You don’t have to live through it to know what happened.”

“Except for the fact that the internet is wrong about a lot of things. Remember how we met?” Arcillma asked. 

“Yes, you were writing in library books,” Daisy said as she stood. “Which if you were really over three hundred years old you’d know to respect library books.”

“Yeah, well, maybe if they wrote more accurate accounts of things then I wouldn’t have to edit them,” Arcillma said. “You’ve got to believe me.” Daisy looked around. “You want to believe me.”

“Of course I want to believe you. If I believe you then all the crazy stories that my mom told me growing up could very well be true,” Daisy said.

“And you want to believe her, right? Ask me anything.”

“Did you ever have words? This soulmate thing seems ridiculous to me. My mom never had words, but she believed that soulmates exist. She said that she watched her friends find their soulmates,” Daisy said, sitting back down. “If you’ve lived so long then surely you’ve seen enough to know what’s real and what isn’t.”

“I’ll just say that yes I believe in soulmates. I’ve had my heart broken enough to know for sure,” Arcillma answered.

“You’ve had more than one set?”

“Yes, I suppose that’s the curse of being immortal. My soul could theoretically have more than one mate.” Arcillma looked down at the ring she now wore on her right hand. “If you believe that I have a soul, that is.”

“I think you have a soul. It might be a tormented soul.” Arcillma glared at her. “Hey, I’m just going from your backstory. Your ‘mother’ sounds like she was an awful person—or vampire I guess. I still don’t know how you got away from her.”

“She ended up on the bad side of a bunch of humans who didn’t take to kindly to vampires trying to sacrifice people,” Arcillma said. She stood up. “I can trust you not to use that stake your mom sent on me, right?”

“Yeah, I would never do that,” Daisy said. “You may be undead but that still seems very much like murder to me.” Daisy checked the time again. “I’m sorry, but I have to run. Working the library again tonight.” She got up and walked off.

“Don’t worry I’ll stay away tonight,” Arcillma called after her. _Well, that went better than I had hoped._

***

Arcillma flipped through the pages of the tattered book once more before throwing it against the wall of the study room. “Goddamn it. There has to some other explanation. I can’t have another soulmate.” She sighed and picked up the book. “Laura is the only one I could love like that.”

She put the book back into her bag and threw her bag over her shoulder. “Looks like it’s time to try searching through the internet,” she muttered as she booted up the computer. She searched: _types of soulmates._ She crossed her fingers as the results loaded. _Romantic soulmate. Romantic soulmate. The love of soulmates._

“It’s times like this I miss JP,” she mumbled. _Romantic soulmate. But I don’t love them like that._ Arcillma clicked on the link and began to read.

_In the past it was believed that there was only one type of soulmate: the romantic soulmate. However, in recent years it has been discovered that some people have more than one set of words on their bodies. It is believed that this phenomena is not a new occurrence, but that this has happened throughout history.  
The studies show that some people even have words showing up later in life, some being well into adulthood. These studies have set to find out what other type of soulmates exist._

“Blah. Blah. Blah. Get to the point,” Arcillma said as she scrolled down the page.

_The conclusion has been that some of these soulmates come from friendships. Platonic soulmates have been described as a relationship that is deeper than that of best friends, but those who have experienced it say they do not have that intimate attraction that romantic soulmates have described._

“You have got to be kidding me? Best friends? That’s it,” she said, slamming her hand on the desk. “Why has it taken people this long to figure this out? God, people I swear.” She ran a hand through her hair. “I knew I could never have another soulmate. Laura is my forever.”

She took out a piece of paper from her bag and picked up her pen. She clicked it nervously a few times before she began to write:

_Can your daughter keep your promise?_

She clicked open a new tab. “I have a feeling this will be a long night. Really going to miss JP by the end of it.”

***

Arcillma waited outside of Daisy’s exam room. It was the last day of exams before the start of summer. Daisy ran out of the room and straight into Arcillma. “Whoa, slow down. You nearly knocked me over.”

“If I could push you over then I’d have to force-feed you because you’d be extremely weak,” Daisy said with a laugh.

“As long as you remember that I prefer Type O,” Arcillma said as they walked down the hallway toward the doors.

“Of course. That’s the only type of blood that I have in my fridge.” They walked outside and toward the dorms. Daisy locked her arm with Arcillma’s. “I’m so glad it’s finally summer. I’m ready to go home.”

“I understand, Dais,” Arcillma said, patting the other girl’s hand.

“Are you sure you don’t want to spend the summer with me and my mom?” Daisy asked as they walked across the quad. “My mom wouldn’t mind. She’s actually been wanting to meet you.”

“I’m sure, cutie,” Arcillma answered. “There’s some travelling I want to do this summer.”

“Haven’t you been everywhere though?” Daisy pulled her arm away from Arcillma. “You told me all the stories of where you’ve been. You should come back to Styria with me. It’s beautiful in the summer.”

“I’m sure it is, but there are a few places I’d like to visit before I make my way to Styria.” She opened the door to the dorm. “But you’ll be my first call if I decide to drop by, ok?” She followed Daisy to her room.

“Ok, and maybe you can tell me more stories from your younger years. I’d love to know the story behind that ring you’re always wearing,” Daisy said, pointing to the black diamond ring on Arcillma’s right hand. “They must have been a really special person.” Arcillma touched the ring and smiled.

“Yeah, she was,” Arcillma replied. She felt the tear in her eye. “Well, I should really get going.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to stick around and meet my mom? She’s just dying to meet my platonic soulmate,” Daisy said smiling. “I still can’t believe that’s a thing. I had never heard about it before.”

“Yeah, me neither, but apparently it’s fairly new. Heaven only knows why though,” Arcillma said as she opened the fridge door, retrieving the two soy milk containers. “Yeah, I’ve got to get going. The first stop on my trip London.”

“Nice. But seriously think about coming to visit. Mom and I would love the company.”

“Are you still sure your mom doesn’t mind that you’re friends with a vampire? I mean she sent you a stake and holy water at the start of term.” Arcillma watched as Daisy finished packing a few things.

“I’m sure. I started telling her about you, and she told me that she was glad you were a good friend—or platonic soulmate as you said—and reminded me to keep some blood in the fridge, but not to let my roommate find it.”

“I’ll think about it then. But behave over the summer, you don’t want to worry your mother to the point she won’t let you come back next year. I need a roommate,” Arcillma said. “I’ll send you some postcards.” She left the room. _I can’t believe I’m going back to Styria._

***

“Daisy, hi,” Arcillma said, smiling into the phone. 

“Arcillma! How have you been?”

“I’ve been good. Guess what.”

“What?”

“I’m in Styria,” Arcillma replied. She held the phone away from her ear as the other girl squealed. “I take it you’re excited.” She chuckled.

“Yes. Oh my goodness. Where are you? Mom and I can meet you for lunch since we don’t have any plans today. Oh this is wonderful,” Daisy said excitedly.

“Actually I’ve talked to your mom recently and you all are meeting me somewhere tonight. She’ll explain it to you. I’ve got to go, but I’ll see you tonight.”

“Sounds great,” Daisy said before Arcillma hung up.

“Yeah, great,” she mumbled as she walked into the bakery she had found and picked up a couple of cupcakes. She stopped by the small grocery store and bought peanut butter, bread, and hot cocoa.

Arcillma shortly found herself standing amidst the abandoned Silas University. “I have not missed this place at all, Cupcake,” she said. She walked through the North Quad and was soon standing outside of Room 307. She pushed the door open. The room was completely empty. “Of course I should have packed a table.”

She made the sandwiches and mixed up the hot cocoa in three mugs so it would be ready to heat when Daisy finally arrived. Arcillma checked the time on her phone. “Don’t worry, love. The party will start soon,” she said, holding tightly to the necklace she held.

“Sorry, I’m late. Mom insisted on waiting in the car,” Daisy said as she burst through the door. “But she told me to bring this.” She held up a present. “What’s going on?”

“I’m throwing a party,” Arcillma replied. “Come in and take a seat on the floor. I apologize, but I didn’t realize that there wouldn’t be any chairs.” Daisy sat down against the wall by the door.

“What’s with the third mug?” Daisy said as Arcillma started a small fire in the middle of the room.

“For the guest of honor. You wanted to know more about my past, and I couldn’t think of a better day than today.” Arcillma made the hot cocoa and handed one mug to Daisy and set one mug on the side of the room where Laura’s bed had been all those years ago. She took a sip from her own mug. She set the mug down in front of her. “Her name was Laura. The girl who gave me this ring,” she said, fidgeting with the ring on her finger.

“And she was your soulmate, right?” Daisy said.

“Yeah, she was this little ball of sunshine,” Arcillma said with a smile. “And I have no idea how she ended up with me for a soulmate, but I could never love anyone more than I loved her.” Daisy sat and listened, sipping her hot cocoa.

“And that’s why you were confused when you got new words,” Daisy said. 

“Yeah, I just knew that something wasn’t right with that,” Arcillma said. “Today is her birthday, so I thought I’d throw a party.”

“Is that why my mom gave me this present?”

“Yeah, I didn’t know how you’d react to all of this, so I told your mom. I hope you don’t mind.” Arcillma walked over to Daisy. “But this present is for you.” She handed her the necklace she had been holding. Daisy looked up at her. “It’s a friendship necklace. Go ahead and put it on.” She watched as Daisy put on the necklace. “Would you like some more cocoa?” she asked.

“No, I don’t—“ Daisy started before the convulsions began. She watched as Daisy slumped against the wall. Arcillma walked to the box of cupcakes. 

“Or maybe you’d like a cupcake?”

“Carm, what the…?” 

“It’s been so long, love,” Arcillma said. “I’m sorry it took so long.” She helped the girl stand. The girl looked at her.

“What am I doing here? Carmilla, what did you do?”

“Laura, I’ve missed you so much.” Arcillma hugged the girl in front of her.

“Carmilla, what did you do?”

“I can’t live like this anymore. Laura, I need you,” Arcillma said. “I had to bring you back. Cupcake?” She held out the box of cupcakes. She pushed the box away.

“Why would you do this?” Laura asked. “Carmilla, you know this isn’t what I want. I’m not going to live in some poor girl’s body.” She gestured to the body she was in.

“Just eat with me. Peanut butter sandwiches and hot cocoa. With cupcakes for dessert,” Arcillma said. “Just one last birthday dinner. I’ll explain after.” They ate in silence. Arcillma looked at Daisy and tried to see Laura.

“Why did you bring me here?”

“Because I want to be with you, Laura. I can’t do this again. Words keep appearing, and I can’t do it anymore.” She sat beside of the girl and handed her the package that Daisy had brought. “Here. This is for you.” Laura opened it.

“Carm, no,” she said as she put the lid back on the box. “You can’t be serious. Carmilla, I won’t do it.”

“You have to, love. I don’t want anyone else to be the one,” Arcillma said, opening the box again and bringing out the stake. “Please. Give me your forever.” 

“But—“

“You promised me your forever.” She put the box to the side and put the stake in Laura’s hand.

“But I’m not going to stake you,” Laura said as she went to put the stake down. Arcillma stopped her. “That’s not what I meant.”

“You promised me,” Arcillma said, putting the stake above her heart. “Please just push it in. Then you take off the necklace. The girl’s mother is right downstairs and knows what to do.” Laura looked at Arcillma questioningly. “It’s best if you don’t know the whole story.” Laura looked at the stake.

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Laura asked with tears streaking her face. Arcillma nodded.

“It’s what I’ve wanted for the past twenty years.”

“I love you, Carmilla,” Laura said as she steady the stake in her hand. Arcillma put her hand over Laura’s.

“I know, Cupcake,” she said with a smile.

“You stupid vampire. Can’t you just say it? It’s not that hard.” Arcillma felt the tip of the stake pierce through her skin. “I love you too.”

***

**CARMILLA KARNSTEIN**   
**1680-2045**   
_**“The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.”** _

They had buried her beside of her wife. That is she had said she wanted, and they knew that was where her heart had always been.

Danny put her arm around her daughter’s shoulders. “Daisy, are you going to be ok?”

“Yeah, my head still hurts, and I still don’t understand what happened,” Daisy said. “Why would she do this?”

“Love makes you do crazy things.”

“You knew what she was going to do though,” Daisy started. “Why didn’t you try to stop her?” She looked up at her mother.

“If there’s one thing I’m sure that hasn’t changed about Carmilla it’s that she will do what she wants. There’s no stopping her,” Danny replied.

“Do you believe in platonic soulmates? She said that she knew this time couldn’t be romantic.”

“She couldn’t have loved again. She really loved Laura,” Danny said. “Sure they had their fights, but the sparks between them could have set fire to the ocean.” She sighed. “And I’ve never seen someone so broken as the day she lost Laura.”

“Her eyes lit up when she started talking about her,” Daisy said.

“Come on. We should get going. Kirsch won’t think twice about leaving us.” Daisy turned and walked back toward the car. Danny placed the locket on Laura’s headstone and a deep red rose on Carmilla’s. “You finally get your forever.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I'm new to the fandom's fanfic scene. I just had to write this story though. Also look for my updates on Tumblr. Username there is mhbills92


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